


To Know All the Colours of You

by Allamarain



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Becoming Soulmates, F/F, Fade to Black, Fluff, Greyscale colorblindness, Human!13, Human!Master, Magical Realism, Oncoming blondes, Pansexual Doctor, Pansexual Rose, Romance, Trope Subversion, Witch Curses, Witches, past abuse (verbal), rainbow petals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:54:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 37,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23222842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allamarain/pseuds/Allamarain
Summary: Colourblind due to a family curse, Jane Smith, PhD, is dead set on her two major life goals.One is a faculty position in Astrophysics.The second is to find her soulmate, which will break the curse.She thinks she's well on her way to both. But when she meets an attractive department store employee during a shopping trip, she begins to question everything she knows.
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor/Rose Tyler
Comments: 62
Kudos: 134





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve aged up Rose, Ryan, and Yaz to all be in their mid-20s, and age down Jane and O to late 20s/early 30s mostly so they’re closer to each other and so Ryan, Jane, and O’s ages fit with academic career trajectories. Yaz has also gotten a promotion.
> 
> I’ve never actually read a soulmate AU all the way through, so it’s entirely possible I’ve obliterated the conventions of the genre. But I had an idea for something that's a little different, and wanted to try it out. I hope it’s not disappointing. Enjoy!

“I don’t see why we have to go to such a posh store, Yaz,” Jane said. “I’ve made loads of good finds in charity shops.” She walked quickly; the cold rain pelting her hat and shoulders added motivation to speed up her pace. 

Yaz huffed. “I’m not shopping for a fancy gown in a charity shop! You could stand to go into nicer places every now and then.” She walked quickly, struggling to keep up with Jane. “Henrik’s isn’t that posh. They’ve got good sales if you know where to look. Maybe I can help you pick out something, too.”

Jane was about to say she didn’t need help, but her mouth opened and closed without a sound. As much as she didn’t like to admit it, she _did_ need help with clothes, since she couldn’t tell what matched. It was one of the few areas of life where she found her colourblindness limiting. 

“Besides, you could use new trousers,” Yaz continued. “The one’s you’re wearing are too short.”

“I like these!” she retorted. The problem with having short legs was trousers never fit her right. Either they went past her ankles and tripped over them constantly, or she wore capris that stopped a few inches above her ankles, like the ones she was wearing today. She did like them, though her soggy socks and ankles argued otherwise. “I’ll think about it. Maybe.”

“Here we are.” Yaz gestured to a glass revolving door, bright lights from the awning illuminating the dark early evening. 

Inside, well coiffed, middle aged women stationed at every corner offering to show jewelry or makeup samples. Jane’s nose was flooded with perfume. She’d only been to department stores like this a handful of times. Growing up, her mum had barely enough money to cover food and rent, let alone fancy clothes. She felt out of place, especially in her wet, scraggly hair and grey trenchcoat. Yaz, on the other hand, looked around like a child in a candy store. She directed them to the women’s department on the second floor. As Jane walked past, she looked at the employees, half expecting disapproving glances, or worse, being approached by Security and asked to leave. 

Among the dresses, Yaz flipped through the rack, with quick efficiency, muttering, “no, no, no, ugh…” While she looked, Jane strolled among the racks. She reached out and felt the fabric of a dark gown. She liked to go by the feel of clothing as much as the look of it. Smooth, but not quite like silk, and perhaps a bit of sparkle within the fabric. It was hard for her to tell. 

Yaz pulled out an ankle length, form-fitting dress with straps, holding it up to her body. “What do you think?” 

“I love it! Totally you.” She clapped her hands. She was hardly a fashion expert, but she liked being helpful to her flatmate. 

Yaz looked down at the tag and frowned. “There’s a stain at the bottom. It’s a shame, I really like it.” She perused the rack again. “I don’t see any more.” 

“Want me to find someone?” Jane asked, scanning the aisles. “Maybe they have more in the stockroom.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Yaz said. “I’ll keep looking around here.”

Jane wandered up and down the aisles, stopping to touch a soft jumper or distracted by a display. The store was quiet, only a few shoppers at the clearance racks. Likely people gearing up for Black Friday sales coming next week, she thought. She caught sight of the light haired shop girl folding t-shirts, back turned to her, facing the display. “Excuse me, miss, could you…”

She stopped when the woman turned around, and nearly gasped. About her height, the shopgirl had large expressive eyes, dark pouty lips. She was smitten in an instant.

“Can I help you?” she asked. _Her voice is lovely_ ,she thought. Even when she sounded slightly impatient, as she did now.

She should say something. Jane’s mind went blank, trying to think of something to say. “Hi!” she squeaked out.

“Hi.” A small polite smile matched with an air of expectation. When she didn’t, she added, “Anything I can help you find today?”

“Clothes?” Jane asked, then chastized herself. Of course she was looking for clothes! What else would she be here for? 

“Afraid we don’t have any of those,” The girl replied, deadpan. 

Jane laughed, a little too hard. _And she was funny too_. She glanced at the shelf of jumpers. Jumpers certainly qualified as clothes. “I was looking for some of these.” 

“Wonderful choice! Merino wool, very warm. Good quality. I have one of these myself.” She smiled, broader this time.

Jane grabbed three jumpers, all of the same style, holding them to her chest. She supposed she could use more cold weather clothes, even if the gorgeous shopgirl wasn’t helping her. Her eyes fell to the nametag on her chest. Rose. _That’s a beautiful name_. Then she realized she was staring at her chest, and jerked her head up, hoping Rose hadn’t noticed. It hadn’t been what she’d intended to look at but she wasn’t going to deny she liked what she saw. 

She needed to stop thinking like that. Focus on something else. “You know, I could use some new trousers. Think these shrunk in the wash.” She stuck out her leg, trying to look sheepish.

“Right this way.” Rose led her to a circular rack. She eyed Jane up and down, letting her gaze linger, and Jane felt her ears burning. She had to remind herself the woman was just trying to do her job. “I’d say you’re a….30P?”

Of course, she needed to get her size. For all the years she spent working on her PhD, she felt like the biggest idiot on the planet today. “P?”

“For petite. Assuming you need petites, yeah?”

“Umm, yeah. Good eye.” Now she felt like an even bigger idiot. She rarely found petite sizes in charity shops.

Rose thrust two pairs of trousers in her arms. “These are really comfortable. And they’re pre-shrunk cotton. Let’s find you a dressing room.”

In the dressing room, Jane tried to regain her composure, leaning against the wall, taking deep breaths. She needed to get herself together.Here she was, acting like a schoolgirl with a crush over a woman she’d just met. She was almost thirty, for God’s sake. 

Plus, she reminded herself, nothing can come of it. Nothing at all. 

Both the jumpers and trousers were a perfect fit, accentuating her narrow waist, and the trousers actually reaching her ankles. She looked surprisingly put together. Not a usual look for her at all, which was usually something thrown on before because she’d overslept, again. 

Rose was waiting for her outside the dressing room door. She hadn’t expected that, and her pulse quickened again. “How’d everything go?”

“Great! Really great!” She was squeaking again.

“Anything you need me to put back?”

“No, I’ll take them all!” she blurted out without thinking. She hadn’t even looked at the price tags, and it was probably all ridiculously expensive. “You were very, very helpful.”

She smiled. “Glad I could help.” They locked eyes, and Jane thought she would melt. _Is she…No, she can’t be. Probably just being friendly._ She was probably just imagining it; she’d never been good at reading body language.

The moment were interrupted by Yaz running over to them and looking profoundly annoyed. “There you are! I’ve been looking all over for you!”

“Oh, sorry Yaz.” She jerked her head away, reluctantly breaking eye contact. When she got focused on something-or someone-she tended to forget about everything else around her. “Still need to find that dress? Rose here can help.”

“No, I found a different one.” She gestured to the dress slung over her arm. Turning to Rose, she asked. “Can you ring me up?”

For a second, Rose looked put out, but then she brightened and said, “Sure, right this way.” 

“Yes, please.” Jane and Yaz followed several steps behind. As they walked several steps behind Rose, Yaz eyed the pile of clothes Jane was hugging to herself. “I thought you weren’t buying anything here.”

“Wasn’t plannin’ to. Something caught my eye.” she shrugged.

“Yeah, I can see that,” she said in a hushed tone, nodding to Rose. “And not just clothing.” Yaz gave her a wicked grin, and Jane felt her ears burning again. The biggest disadvantage to having Sergeant Yasmin Khan as your flatmate was nothing escaped her notice. “She’s cute, huh?”

“Shh!” Jane hissed. “She’ll hear you.” Both women set their clothes on the counter. 

“Lovely dress,” Rose held it up. “Any special occasion?”

“Department holiday party,” Yaz said. “I actually get to go this year. Can’t have all the police in town off duty at once.”

“Oh, you’re a police officer!” Rose smiled. “By the way, is this all together?”

Jane quickly shook her head. “Oh, no, no. We’re not together, I mean, we’re shopping together, but we’re not together. Not paying together.” Could she be any more foolish? Despite her stammering, she thought she saw Rose’s smile widen, just a little. “We can use the same bag though.” 

“Saving the planet. I like it.” Rose carefully folded Yaz’s dress and put it in a bag. “And what do you do? Police officer as well?” she asked Jane.

“Nah, I’d be a rubbish police officer. Not very good at following rules.” Jane handed Rose her credit card. “I work at the University of Central London. Astrophysics.”

“Really?” Rose looked impressed. She scanned the card and handed it back, brushing her fingertips against Jane’s, and her breath caught for a moment. “You’re all set. Have a good one.” 

“Thanks, you too,” she beamed.

After leaving the checkout counter, Yaz gave her a nudge. “Well look at you! Staring at her with puppy dog eyes,” she teaseed. “Are you going to ask her out?”

Jane’s shoulders slumped, remembering the weight of her past. The giddiness drained out of her, like air out of a balloon.“Can’t.”

“Oh yeah, forgot, sorry,” Yaz said. “The curse.”

“Exactly,” Jane said. “I still can’t see colour. She’s not my soulmate.”

—

The story had been passed down from her mum, who had been told by her mum, stretching back for nearly three hundred years.

Constance Bratton, Jane’s ancestor, had married well. Her husband, Theodore, was a successful merchant with holdings in the Americas and the West Indies. Throughout their forty year marriage, she had enjoyed exotic finery, the most fashionable of dresses, and a comfortable life in a stately mansion. After his death, Constance had been going through his things when she discovered, hidden, a stack of love letters addressed to Theodore in an unfamiliar hand. She seethed when she saw the name-Elosia Twiston. 

Immediately, she went to Elosia’s home to confront her. Elosia informed her she and Theodore had been having an affair for years; he’d only stayed married to Constance as not to cause a scandal. Besides, Constance shouldn’t mind; she’d only married him for money. Infuriated, and unwilling to admit she was right, Constance accused Elosia of being a witch and enchanting him, demanding an apology. Elosia refused, saying Theodore had been the love of her life. 

Constance went to the landowner, Becka Savage, and informed her Elosia was a witch. She knew it wouldn’t take much convincing. It was, after all the height of the Great Purges. For centuries, witches had ruled large swaths of England, dividing the country into personal fiefdoms. It wasn’t until the 1600s that the ordinary people started fighting back. Running them out of town, or killing them outright. Even the most powerful of witches could not stave off an angry mob if it was large enough. There had been rumors of Eloisa practicing witchcraft, but the people of their hamlet were willing to let her alone. She’d been harmless enough, and she was the only provider of medicines for miles around. However, the crops had been failing, and Becka was eager to use witches as a scapegoat. 

Elosia was tried and found guilty of witchcraft. At her sentencing, Constance sat in the front row, a picture of pious womanhood, eager she had gotten revenge. As she sat on the ducking stool, Elosia looked her directly in the eye and said “From now until eterne, you and your first bornes, the colour shall be drained from sky and field, until their soulmate is revealed.”

At the moment she was plunged under the water, Constance’s vision went dark. When she could see again, it was only in black, white, and shades of grey. She soon learned her eldest son, and his eldest, her granddaughter, suffered the same affliction. Constance shrieked and moaned for the rest of her days. She had gone to every rumored witch in the area, demanding to have the curse removed, but received no cooperation. She’d gotten one of their own killed, after all. 

From thereafter, the firstborn child of every firstborn child was born completely colorblind. It was said some regained their colour vision, some did not. It was said the ones that broke the curse could no longer speak of it, but not enough of Jane’s family was left alive to know for sure. No one had broken the curse in three generations. 

\--  
After leaving Henrik’s, Jane walked with Yaz to the bus stop, the wind blowing down her hood again. She pushed it back up, knowing it was futile, until they were finally standing under the bus shelter. Jane took a step into the street, looking for the bus.

“Oi! Don’t do that, you’ll get hit! I’ve got the tracker app on my phone!” Yaz pulled off a glove to tap the screen. “Seven minutes.”

Jane bounced on the balls of her feet, hugging herself. Seven minutes. 420 seconds. _One, two, three.._

She kept counting until Yaz interrupted her thoughts. She hadn’t said much since they left, holding their shopping bag to her chest. “The curse…you ever hate it?”

“No. In fact, I love it. I know I call it a curse and all, but it’s a gift.” She stopped bouncing as she looked at Yaz, barely visible in the sparse streetlight. “I’m going to know exactly who I’m meant to love for the rest of my life. Being colourblind, it’s inconvenient sometimes, but not like it’s ever stopped me from doing anything I wanted to. Mostly.”

“But doesn’t that take the fun out of it?” asked Yaz. There wasn’t enough light to see Yaz’s expression, but her tone sounded skeptical.

“Not at all! I don’t have to waste time on a relationship with someone I’m not meant for.” She’d tried that once, in a fit of loneliness and despair, and it had ended badly. Very, very badly. 

“I don’t know I think there’s a lot of to be said for some mystery. Of trying to figure it out who you’re meant to be with. Where’s the romance? Where’s the wonder?”

“The universe is full of wonder, none of which is taken away by knowing.” Jane replied, swinging her arms to the sky. She’d felt it every time she looked up at the stars. Her mum had warned her when she was young: soulmates are hard to find. But Jane was not easily deterred from her goals. She believed, as firmly as she believed in gravity itself, her soulmate was out there, and she would find them.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Grace is alive and happily married to Graham, because they both deserve all the good in the world :)

Jane was running late for work. At usual. 

The overnight rain had turned to a rain/snow mixture, leaving the sidewalks and streets full of slush. Somehow, everyone in London had forgotten how to drive in snow, even though they saw it every year. That meant her bus was running late. Once she was on the bus, she’d snagged a seat after a few stops, and pulled out her book, grateful for a little luck. She got so absorbed in her reading, she completely missed her stop. When she realized, three blocks later, she frantically pulled the string and kept doing so until the bus dropped her off between stops. She ran to her office, leaving a trail of sploshy footprints through the lobby.

“You’re late.” Ryan didn’t look up from his computer. “Dr. O’Brien was looking for you.” 

“Yeah, I know I’m late.” She silently cursed herself as she looked at the clock. Of course she was thirty minutes late the day her boss came to talk to her. “Did he say what it was about?”

He shook his head. “Don’t think it was a social visit.”

Her stomach clenched. In the two years she’d worked for him, she’d found Dr. O’Brien to be a demanding, yet fair advisor. But she’d been screamed at by enough supervisors, both in and out of academia, to not feel a wave of fear when called to his office. _Nothing to worry about_ , she tried to tell herself. _Maybe this is about the manuscript I just submitted._ She dropped her backpack and coat into her chair, and grabbed her notebook before heading down the hall to the door marked _Graham O’Brien, Ph.D., Professor, Astrophysics._

She gave a gentle rap on the door. “Come!” Dr. O’Brien looked up from his screen with a gentle smile that put her at ease. His office was filled with books and journal articles, spilling everywhere, even in piles on the floor. And, she noted, a large, open tin of homemade biscuits on his cluttered desk.

“Morning! Wife baking again?” She sat across from him in a stiff, plastic chair. She reached into the tin to grab a biscuit. Shortbread, buttery and delicious. She hadn’t eaten breakfast, and grabbed a second one before finishing the first.

“Grace always thinks she’s feeding an army, even though it’s just the two of us. Don’t know what we’ll do with them all.” He spoke with mock exasperation. “She insisted I bring some for my office and the faculty lounge, even left some for the postman!” He turned serious. “Got an email this morning from the University of Edinburgh. They want nominees for the Kasterborous fellowship, and I’m selecting you.” 

“What?” she gasped, biscuit forgotten in her hand. Only awarded to one researcher every two years, the Kasterborous fellowship was among the most prestigious awards in astrophysics. 

“Yeah. If you’re selected, you go to Edinburgh, work on any project you like. Full privileges at their observatory, not to mention a fairly generous stipend.” He showed her the annual figure. More than she made at the University of Central London, on top of a (slightly) lower cost of living. “You get this, a faculty position is more or less a given. It’s an incredible opportunity.”

“It is!” she grinned, then her stomach dropped. “But also really competitive.” She looked down at her hands, the biscuit crumbling in her fingers. There’d be dozen of nominees, maybe hundreds. She was reminded of applying to grad school, and every one of the numerous rejections a disappointment. She was afraid to invest too much of herself, too much of her hope, into that wouldn’t materialize. Sometimes, hope was more dangerous than dynamite. There was also the fact the Kasterborous fellows were mostly, with few exceptions, white men. 

“Jane, I’m not going to lie. There will be many talented, intelligent applicants.” Dr. O’Brien said, as if reading her thoughts. “But I wouldn’t nominate you if I didn’t think you had a real shot.”

She looked up. “You really think so?” 

“You’re one of the best postdocs I’ve ever had.” He gave her a kindly smile. “And you know I don’t say that lightly.”

It was true; Dr. O’Brien never held his tongue when he saw work that was incompetent, or worse, sloppy. She knew she was smart and capable, but the problem was, she often didn’t feel like she was. Her peers came from well-off families with tutors and connections. They went to top tier secondary schools and unis, and often their parents and even grandparents had been academics. They all seemed to know more than her-not only about the latest research, but unadvertised research openings and department politics. Her mum’s only connection to the upper echelons of society had been ringing up their groceries at Tesco. Jane had worked hard, scraping together loans and doing weekend jobs to pay for school, and studying whenever she had a spare moment. However, she hadn’t come this far to give up. She’d been working towards her career since secondary. She’d completed undergrad, her PhD, and now she was here, at a well regarded, if not among the top, astrophysics departments in London.

“Okay.” She breathed out. “What do I need to do?”

He smiled, wider. “You need to write a project proposal, a summary of your research, and your CV. Deadline is December 31st.”

She returned the smile, slow and tentative. She’d have to fit in time to update her CV and write her proposal, but she could make it work. “Anything else?”

“Nah, I’ve got a meeting in five, actually.” He said. “But remember, have some confidence in yourself. You know more than you think you do.”

“Okay. I’ve got satellite data to analyze, and I’ll have for you by this afternoon.” She stood up, grabbing a handful of biscuits from the tin. “See you then.” She said over her shoulder as she left.

“And don’t eat those over the instruments!” He called after her. “They’re sensitive to crumbs!”

\--  
Back at her desk, opposite Ryan’s, she put the pile of biscuits on her desk, and opened her laptop and email. Too many emails. Saving the one Dr. O’Brien forwarded about the fellowship, she started deleting the university-wide announcements and spam. 

“What did he want?” Ryan finally looked up from his screen. “Please tell me we’re getting a new coffee machine.” The Keurig in the lounge had been broken for weeks.

She turned around. “He’s nominating me for Kasterborous.”

“No way!” he said. “Think you’ll get it?”

“He thinks I have a shot, but I don’t know,” she said. “Do you the last time a woman was a Kasterborous fellow? 2006. Thirteen years ago. It was Ruth Clayton, actually.” 

“Ruth Clayton? Really? I used to watch her YouTube channel all the time. That’s what got me to switch from pre-med.”

“Oh yeah. I love those. Ruth Clayton, Tour Guide to the Stars.” Jane looked wistful. Dr. Clayton made YouTube videos to educate the general public about astronomy. She loved talking about what she did with other people, even if they didn’t understand what she was saying half the time. She’d love to do some sort of formal public outreach some day. But first she needed to finish her postdoc. And find a job. 

“Well, you’re just as smart as her, but a lot weirder,” he teased. “If you get the fellowship, I might have to work with someone normal.” 

“Oi, like you’d want that!” she smirked. It was a long standing joke. She and Ryan had become fast friends when they’d joined the lab at the same time. He’d been a first year grad student, capable but overwhelmed, and she’d given him advice and encouragement. “So how was your weekend?”

“Nothin’ special. Spent most of it here. Sounds like you had an eventful one though,” he said. “Yaz says you met a girl.”

She felt a blush creeping up her neck. “I didn’t meet her! She was helping me at the shop! She’s not anyone! Besides, it’s not like she’s my soulmate.”

He facepalmed. “Jane, not the soulmate thing again…”

“Don’t care what you say, it’s real!” she retorted. Ryan’s reaction was typical, and the reason she didn’t tell many people about the family curse.

“It’s genetics.” He emphasized the last word. “A disorder of the retina that runs in your family. It’s not a curse. It was probably something your ancestors made up to explain why so many people in your family were colourblind.”

“Why couldn’t the curse affect my DNA?” she said. “And why does it always affect the firstborn child and only the firstborn child? There’s nothing we know about genetics to explain that.”

“There hasn’t been a proven case of witchcraft in over a hundred years.” Ryan pointed out. “You know, there are some historians saying witchcraft was never real to begin with. They think witches were just a term for women didn’t fit prescribed gender roles, insisted on being something other than wives and mums.”

“They’re denialists. There’s people who deny vaccines, too. Think I’d listen to them?” she said. “Witches are real. I know it.” 

“Maybe witches are real, but what about soulmates? The whole concept’s bollocks. One person, only one, out of billions and billions of people? How would you even hope to meet them? Do you know how ridiculous it sounds? Outside your family, everyone else you meet is due to chance. Like if I’d never joined the lab, we wouldn’t have met. And you and Yaz wouldn’t be flatmates.” Jane’s previous flatmate had stiffed her on the rent and skipped town. Ryan had recommended Yaz as a replacement, as she’d been looking to move out of her parents’ flat. It had worked out well for both of them, and she now considered both Yaz and Ryan her best friends.

“I know,” she said. “But I also believe there is order to the universe. If nothing else, we’ve seen it, over and over again. Phenomena that we previously thought was random turned out to have a pattern to it. it. And I absolutely believe I’m meant to find my soulmate.”

Ryabn gave a noncommittal shrug, and turned back to his laptop. She took the cue, pulling up her most recent satellite data, and thought about witches. She’d never told anyone about this, but as a child, she’d seen a witch.

She was no older than six or seven, and she’d been with her mother, holding her hand, walking through the Larkspur village green. They’d been living in Larkspur with her great aunt Betty at the time. She vividly remembered the town hall, the large stones that composed its facade, the town seal in Latin above the large wooden door, and the cobblestone walkway leading up to the door, at the head of the green. They’d been enjoying a warm spring day, her mum pointing out a butterfly on a still bare tree branch. Then, Jane spotted her, sitting across the green from a park bench. The witch sat unmoving, undisturbed by the other passersby who seemed either not notice her presence, or were deliberately avoiding her. She was a small woman, with an angular, nearly bony face, and dark eyes. Her hair flowed down to her waist. When she caught Jane gaping, her mother knelt down and said in a low voice, barely more than a whisper. “Don’t stare-she’s a witch.” All these years later, she remembered looking at the woman and her blood ran cold, and she _knew_ , knew somehow, her mother’s words were completely true. They’d left the green quickly after that, her mum giving some reason she could no longer remember. Jane never saw the witch after that. Aunt Betty died six months later, and they moved from Larkspur, in what was one of many moves throughout her childhood.

She had to admit Ryan was right about one thing. Witches hadn’t had a formal presence in England in decades. Where’d they’d gone, what happened to them, if they still existed, nobody knew for sure. But there’d always been rumors. Whispers. If there was something you wanted, and you were willing to go through unsavory channels, a witch might help you. It was dangerous though. Witches were said to hold tremendous power. The whispers spoke of backfired spells, chicanery on their part, the requestor being transformed into an animal, or being used for the witch’s own ends. 

She’d often wondered, in this day and age of CCTV everywhere, how witches evaded public knowledge of their existence. She assumed if they were still around, they used their powers to conceal themselves. But at the moment, she needed to focus on facts, not speculation. 

Jane went back to the satellite data and started her analysis. She was immersed in numbers when Ryan asked, “How does it work, anyway? The curse?”

“Hmm?” 

“I mean, let’s just say it’s real, for a moment. You just meet your soulmate and you can see colour? Or do you have to do something else with them?”

The thought hadn’t occurred to her. She turned around. “I don’t know.” Her mum had never known her soulmate; she’d largely given up hope at a young age. Jane herself had been the product of a short-lived fling. Her father had fled once her mum told him she was pregnant. The Bloody Sod, she called him, and told Jane she was better off without him. Even if her mum had met her soulmate, because of the nature of the curse, she couldn’t have spoken of it. She’d met other people who were cursed, or claimed to be, but none had a curse like hers.

“Maybe it’s not just seeing them.” He leaned back in his chair, arms behind his head. “You should do an experiment. That’s what we do, right?” He reached for a lab notebook on his desk and playfully threw it to her. “Go ask the shopgirl out. Experiment on her.”

“I can’t do that!” She remembered the way her usual bubbly self became a pile stuttering and awkwardness around Rose. It was too nerve wracking. “Besides, I don’t even know if she likes women!”

“Yaz thought she liked you.” 

“Rose was probably just being friendly. That’s her job.” She reached for the biscuit pile on her desk. Time for some stress eating. 

“Rose?” He raised an eyebrow. “I thought you said she wasn’t anyone.” 

She felt the blush creeping into her cheeks again. “Oi, stop it!” She threw the notebook back at him.

“Hah! I knew you liked her!” he laughed. “Go snog her or something, and find out what happens. We’ll write it up. I need more publications.”

“Oh, shut up.” She turned back to her screen. But his words stayed with her, seeping into her mind like rain into the cracks of a sidewalk. What if it was more than just a glance, to find her soulmate? What if it was something more? She could have been going at it wrong. She had no idea if Ryan was right, but it filled her with both terror and delight at the same time.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has brief mentions of emotional abuse. It's mostly O showing up and being a shit :)

Jane spent the next few weeks immersed in work. Besides her usual tasks, she spent a lot of time on her fellowship application. Shrugging off the nagging feelings that other applicants would be more impressive, she spent hours honing it, reading the literature and discussing with Dr. O’Brien. She pored over her CV, adding embellishments that weren’t quite outright lies, and staring at it until the words no longer had meaning.

Between the application, manuscripts, and designing new equipment for an upcoming satellite launch, she wasn’t getting out of the lab very often. Ryan finally got her away from her computer by informing her Adelaide Brooke, was giving a talk on campus on gaseous cloud composition on Mars. She eagerly agreed; Dr. Brooke was a renowned astrophysicist and might be willing to collaborate with her in the future. But it was at that lecture she saw O, a man she never wanted to see again. 

Her pulse quickened as he strolled through the aisles, casually perusing his seating options even though he’d arrived late and Dr. Brooke was already four slides in. She quickly turned away, hoping she wouldn’t see him, but not before he saw her. He stopped at the row in front of hers, and stepped all the way to a middle seat, stepping on multiple feet. His eyes met hers, and he gave her a small, cruel, smile.

Jane tried to focus on Dr. Brooke, but she kept stealing nervous glances at him. Fortunately, the seats directly in front of her were taken, and he was far enough to be out of whispering range. Not that he wouldn’t shout at her to get her attention. So far, he was paying attention to the talk. She debated leaving early, but there was no graceful way to exit, as she was there were people on both sides of her. What was O doing back here? The last she’d heard, he’d been in America. Forgetting the lecture, Her mind was dragged back to their brief relationship, years earlier.  
\--

They’d met in third year of undergrad, and they’d become friends of a sort. O kept offering her pointers on her assignments and got angry when she didn’t take them. He asked her repeatedly to go out with him, despite how many times she turned him down. It wasn’t until fourth year, when her mother died, that she succumbed to his advances. Her extended family, up north, barely sent condolences, much less asked how she was. None of them even came to the funeral. She’d been too hopeless to care about soulmates. She only cared about not being alone, and clung to him like a life raft In a storm.

The steady stream of criticisms only further wounded her fragile self. The urging to stay in bed with him when she was supposed to be working on an assignment. The silent treatment when she’d bested him on an exam. How everything about her needed vast improvement- her hair, her accent, her approaches to class projects. His mood swings when she disagreed with him. She tried to make herself tolerate his actions, despite many tearful nights at home in bed. She told herself he’d been there for her. He was trying to make her a better person. It wasn’t like he hit her, after all. O could be good; she’d seen glimpses of it. If she stuck with him, she could change him.

The last straw had been when he’d been accepted to Stanford for grad school, and he suggested, rather forcefully, she accompany him.

Jane had looked doubtful. “Didn’t apply to Stanford, or any American grad schools. Don’t think I can afford them.”

“Who said anything about you going to grad school? You could be a weather girl or a waitress or something,” O scoffed. “Besides, you shouldn’t waste a spot in higher education when there are so many deserving, first-rate minds out there.”

She kept a neutral expression, but inside, her blood was boiling. She’d had enough. But she couldn’t confront him directly, because she knew how it would end. Being the scion of a wealthy family, O was used to getting what he wanted, and would raise hell if he didn’t get it. She’d made an excuse to go back to her dorm room. Once she left his flat, she blocked his number and his social media. Then she packed up a few things from her dorm room and stayed with a friend. There was a month of class left, and she asked her professors if she could do additional assignments instead of attending lectures. She laid low, venturing out of her room only for meals, until she was certain he’d left campus.  
She didn’t know if he’d changed in seven years, but she had no interest in finding out.  
\--  
Jane was jerked back to the present by a round of applause. The talk had ended. She immediately popped up. “Let’s go.” She whispered to Ryan.

“Wait a tick, I gotta pack up.” Ryan had brought his laptop, but he’d gotten engrossed in Solitaire towards the end of the talk. “I thought you wanted to talk to Dr. Brooke afterward.”

“Changed my mind.” She threw on her coat, not bothering with the snaps. But before she could pick up her backpack, she heard a deep voice behind her, dripping with sarcasm. “Jane, so lovely to see you again.” She felt his breath on the back of her neck. Her cheeks flushed. How did he get behind her so quietly?

She whirled around. He’d barely changed in the past seven years. Untamed eyebrows, impossibly white teeth, floppy hair-was he curling it? “Hi, O,” she sighed. “What are you doing here?”

“Same as you, taking in the lecture. Although I’ll actually get something out of it,” he smirked.

“And by taking in you mean interrupting Dr. Brooke to explain her own work to her?” Ryan glared at him.

O glared back, ignoring the question. “Who’s this?”

Jane sighed. “This is Ryan, my labmate. Ryan, this is O, We were at St. Luke’s together.” She thought back to what he’d said when they’d first met. _That’s my name. You’ll be screaming it later._

“Oliver Vohra the Third.” He enunciated every syllable, puffing out his chest. His eyes fixated on her. “Jane and I, we go way back. I’ve been at Stanford, for graduate work.”  
“Apparently you can bribe your way in there,” she said to Ryan. 

“My parents made a generous donation!” Anger fired in his eyes, as he sputtered. Jane tried not to laugh. It was childish to provoke him, but she couldn’t help herself.

“Stanford was stimulating, but Americans there are so coarse So boisterous and rude.” O continued, settling himself into a semblance of composure . “Anyway, I’m back on the more refined side of the pond now.”

“Here?” She tried not to let the fear show. She dreaded the thought of seeing him at more lectures. Just having him on the same side of the Atlantic was bad enough.

“Oh, no no no. Not at this little program. I’m at Cambridge, working with Professor Yana. Just came in for the talk. Don’t worry, I’m not here for you. Fool me once…” he trailed off. Despite the disgust in his voice, he kept leering at her like a piece of meat.

“And now the talk is over. See you around.” She slung her backpack over her shoulder, narrowly avoiding Ryan, and hurried out of the lecture hall as fast as she could go. Would he be coming back to London more often? His family was based here. What if he kept hanging around the campus?

A blast of arctic wind hit her as they opened the doors. She walked even faster, as though if she walked fast enough, she’d leave him behind forever. “Who was he?” Ryan asked after a long silence as they cut through the campus.

“An old friend,” she shrugged.

“Seemed like more than that, the way he was looking at you,” Ryan said. Jane said nothing, only looking at the pavement. “Oh, he was? You had a boyfriend?”

“It wasn’t like that.” she sighed. “It was more of an extended hookup. And it didn’t end well.” O, in fact, had been a very good lesson in waiting it out for her soulmate, because he was what happened when you settled for someone who wasn’t.

She shivered pulling her coat tighter against herself. Seeing O again brought up a host of half forgotten feelings. Just seeing him brought back the way she’d felt-empty and afraid. Certainty of her own worthlessness, and tried to shake it off. She heard Ryan chuckle. “What?” she asked.

“Didn’t realize you-did that sort of thing,” he said.

“Just because I have a soulmate doesn’t mean I’m locked in a chastity belt, Ryan. Attraction happens.” Like most people, she had desires. There’d been a few, sporadic, short lived flings with mutual understanding it was not to go further. Nothing recent, as she’d been too busy in the lab. She felt a little embarrassed; most of their romantic discussions were about him trying to ask girls out and failing miserably.

“Is it usually men you fancy?” he asked.

“Not really about the gender. More about the person.” O had a number of despicable qualities, but he was confident, he was handsome, and he was intelligent, and that had been enough.

“Like that shopgirl from a few weeks ago?”

“Oi, enough about the shopgirl already!” she playfully smacked him, even though she couldn’t keep the smile off her face. Speaking of desire…she had thought about Rose every now and then. More often than she should have. “Besides, really want to focus on finding my soulmate,” she told him as much as herself.

“Uh-huh.” He looked over at her, skeptical. “By the way, did you leave your scarf in the lecture hall?”

She looked down in horror. No scarf. “Oh, bloody hell! I did! I’m going to go back.”

“Want me to come with you?”

“No, that’s fine.” It gave her an excuse not to continue the conversation. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

When she arrived back at the lecture hall, the door was already locked. She kicked a small pile of snow on the ground. First O and now her scarf. She’d have to come back tomorrow.

Unfortunately, neither a thorough search of the lecture hall the following day nor a trip to Lost and Found produced her scarf. She was bitterly disappointed. She’d had that scarf for years, and she loved it, even though Yaz always referred to the scarf as “that hideous monstrosity”. It had alternating thin and fat horizontal stripes and was so long, it reached down to her feet when unwrapped. and perfect for cold winter days.  
She was on her way to her favorite charity shop after work a few days later to get a new scarf when a thought occurred to her: _What if I went to Henrik’s instead?_ She could see the cute shopgirl again. Her chest fluttered, and she tried to calm herself down. Nothing was going to happen there, nothing could happen, but that wouldn’t stop her from looking. Just a glance, maybe from across an aisle. Nothing wrong with that, right?

Before she could talk herself out of it, she found herself, almost unconsciously, moving to transfer buses, to downtown and the direction of the department store.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> We're back in gay disaster mode this chapter! 
> 
> Quick note: I am terrible at responding to comments, but I hope you're enjoying the story so far. As always, thank you for reading!

Henrik’s was more packed than it had been on her previous visit. There were Christmas shoppers everywhere, practically pushing each other out of the way.. Jane wandered slowly through the aisles, hoping to catch a glimpse of Rose. A middle-aged woman carrying two large parcels practically ran into her, then scolded her for being in the way before hurrying off. Jane felt foolish; there was no sign of Rose. She might not even be working today. Besides, the store was huge. She could be anywhere, and even if Rose was here, would she be able to find her in this mass of people? Well, no matter. She could still get the scarf. Sighing, she headed in the direction of Women’s Accessories.

Despite the colder than usual weather weather, there were few other shoppers in Accessories, and the din of shoppers was quieter. The scarves were crammed on an endcap, between a shelf of handbags and a pegboard full of tights. She thumbed through each of them, feeling the texture of them on her fingers. She paused on one, with thin vertical stripes down the middle. It was no replacement for her beloved long scarf, but it felt soft and comfortable.

“Hello again,” said a voice behind her. 

Startled, she jumped, knocking several of the handbags off the shelf. She whirled around and saw Rose, frowning at the bags on the floor. 

“Hi!” Jane squeaked. “Umm, sorry about that! Let me pick those up.” She crouched down, grabbing handbags and trying to control her racing heart. One pretty girl and she became a mess. What was wrong with her?

“I can help you.” Rose crouched to her level, reaching for the remaining bags.

“You shouldn’t have to do that. It was my fault.” She muttered.

“’S no bother.” Jane tried not to stare at her as they picked up the bags. She was wearing her hair up this time, and she looked tired, but still lovely. Their fingers touched as they reached for the same bag, and Jane felt an electric current surge through her. She let go of the bag, and stuffed the other ones on the shelf, eager to get past her embarrassment. Rose was much more neat, carefully arranging them. “So, Jane, can I help you find anything, or are you just looking?”

Yes, she was just looking, she reminded herself, slightly shaking her head. “I was interested in the scarves. A few lovely…wait,” she stopped. “How did you know my name?”

Rose gave a shy smile. “It was on your credit card. Last time.”

Either she had a photographic memory or Jane had made an impression from her previous trip. A good one, she hoped. She felt a flush creep over her cheeks and hoped it wasn’t noticeable. 

Rose gave her an unreadable look. “Anyway, scarves?”

“Right!” She turned back to the display. She could pick one out and leave before she made a bigger fool out of herself. She snatched up the one she’d been looking at. “Really liked this one.”

“That will look great on you!” Rose chirped. “We have this in a different base colours too. They all have the rainbows, but we also have a blue one and a green one in addition to the red.” She held all three scarves on her arm. “Which do you like best?”

She’d been so quick with her hands to arrange them, Jane didn’t know which was the one she’d initially picked. Sometimes she could tell colours apart by the brightness, but they all were of roughly the same shade. She hesitated, trying to tell them apart. “Think I like this one.” She gestured towards the one on her right.

“The blue! Good choice. It will complement your hair.” Rose quickly hung up the other two scarves. “Will that be all?”

“Yeah, unless I lose something else. Left my old scarf somewhere. Probably would lose my head if it wasn’t screwed on.” She was babbling, she knew it, but she didn’t know how to make herself stop.

“I hate when I do that. Probably have left five or six hats around the city minimum. Mum says I’ve probably got whole outfits lying around somewhere,” she laughed. “I can ring you up, if you’d like.”

“Sure, if it’s not too much trouble,” Jane said, unsuccessfully willing herself to move. She got what she’d come for, in both senses, but she didn’t want to leave. “As always, you’ve been very helpful. Extremely helpful. Much appreciated.”

“No problem," Rose wasn't moving either, she noticed. "Do you shop here often?"

"Only a few times. Usually go to charity shops. Think I might switch it up a bit. Rather like the.." she grasped for something to say. "ambiance." 

Just then, they were rudely interrupted. “Rose!” A large, middle aged man came stomping over. Rose rolled her eyes briefly before facing him. “What’re you doin’ here? This ain’t your section.”

“I’m with a customer,” she huffed. Jane looked over the man. The tag on his lapel listed him as the store manager. Sweat beaded on his forehead, collecting in the strands of his cheap looking toupee. 

“You want to chat with yer friend, ya do it on your own time!” he spat out. “Seriously, that’s all you girls want to do is gossip and play on your phones. Can’t get any good help around here!”

"All right, I'll just ring her up." Rose was trying to sound calm, but she was clearly rattled. 

Jane’s blood boiled. She didn't want to get Rose in trouble, and she had no patience for bullies. Turning to the man, she put her hands on her hips. “Excuse me, don’t talk to her like that! Rose here has been a tremendous help to me.”

"You ain't shoppin', you're socializin' with your friend!" He looked at her with disgust. “You expect me to believe you need that much help for one scarf?” 

“Yeah, I do.” She glared at him. “See, the thing is, I’m colourblind. Sometimes I need a little extra help with things. Like picking out what to wear. Rose, didn’t you say this scarf complemented my hair?”

Rose nodded, eyes wide in disbelief.

“I have no idea if it does or not. Because I can’t see a single colour. And you,” Jane peered at his badge, trying her best to sound outraged. “Mr. Colinson, do you make a habit of denying assistance to customers with disabilities? It's against the law, you know. I could sue you and Henrik's for every penny you've got! And when the press gets a hold of it..." 

“No, no, of course not!" he stammered. "We want to take good care of all our customers, Miss….?”

“It’s Doctor, actually.” She drew herself up to her full height, chin in the air. Men like him respected authority figures. “Doctor Smith."

"Doctor Smith, I am very, very sorry. I had no idea you were colourblind. How can I make this up to you?" He wrung his hands in desperation.

She crossed her arms, and gave him a disapproving look, as if she was contemplating his offer. "I'll forget all of this happened, but only if you apologize to Rose.” 

He looked down at his worn, but polished shoes. “Sorry.” He mumbled, barely audible. He left, skittering away without another word. Rose stared at her, smiling. 

“You didn’t have to do that.” Despite her words, she kept smiling, and Jane thought she would melt from it. ”Sorry about Colinson, by the way. he’s an ass.”

“My mum worked in retail for twenty years. She had plenty of bosses like him. Men who want to feel big by pushing little people around.” She clenched her fists at the memory. 

Rose nodded in understanding. “Could you really sue over that?"

"No idea, actually.” She shrugged. “I just wanted to scare the piss out of him."

"It worked wonders." Rose looked behind her, as if he'd actually left a trail of urine. “Listen. I get off in half an hour. Can I buy you coffee, as a thank you?”

“Oh, no need to do that,” said Jane nervously. This wasn’t her plan, and Rose certainly didn’t owe her anything.

“But I’d like to. He’s been on my case for months. Unless you don’t have time…” she trailed off, slightly frowning.

Jane didn’t have anywhere she needed to be, and more to the point, she didn’t want to disappoint her. And the thought of spending more time with her was too much temptation. “No, I’ve got time. How about the How You’ve Bean? Two blocks up, next to the Vodafone store.”

Rose nodded quickly. “Yeah, I know the one. See you there.”

—  
How You’ve Bean was incredibly crowded for an evening, full of students on laptops and tired shoppers with bags piled all over the tables. Jane had only been able to find a small, rickety table towards the back of the cafe. She ordered a tea to tide herself over and sat down tapping her foot, checking her phone nearly every minute. It was 32 minutes since she’d left the store, and she was getting more nervous by the minute. She felt relieved when she saw Rose in the doorway, and waved her over.

“Can I get you another? What are you having?” she asked.

“Winter berry, thanks. Love a winter berry tea, and they have a good one here!” She smiled. 

Despite the large number of customers, Rose quickly came back with two mugs, setting the winter berry tea in front of her. “So, _Doctor_ , thanks again for saving my ass,” she sat down, taking off her coat. "You're an astronomer, right?"

“Astrophysics, actually.” She kept bouncing her foot under the table, hoping to burn off some nervous energy. She shrugged out of her coat. Between the crowd and the flush on her cheeks, she’d warmed up by a few degrees, and sweat collected on her lower back.

“Oh, right. You must be really smart.” Rose looked at her with admiration. “Are you a professor?”

“Hoping to be, one day. Right now, I’m a postdoc.” Noting her confused expression, Jane added, “It’s a position for after you get your PhD, usually just for a couple years. You go work for someone else before getting a faculty position, or a job in government. Really, it’s just a way to get more cheap labor from young scientists, as if they didn’t get enough out of us during grad school.” 

A tentative, soft laugh, as if she wasn’t sure how to respond. “Wouldn’t know about that. Didn’t go to university-long story.” Her eyes darted away. 

“Nothing wrong with that. I’m the first one in my family to go.” She gave her a reassuring smile. Their knees kept touching under the tiny table, and she tried not to let her breath hitch when it happened. A few locks of Rose’s hair had come out of her ponytail, and she was fighting the urge to brush them behind her ear. To touch her face…she gave a slight jerk of her heard. She needed to stop thinking like that. “How long have you been at Henrik’s?”

“Six years. Since I was nineteen. It’s not bad. Get a good discount,” Rose regarded her for a moment, unsure of what to say. “So…when you said you were colourblind…was that true?”

“I was born with it. Runs in the family.” She was definitely not going to talk about the family curse. 

“That sounds awful though, never being able to see colour.” 

“Oh, I’ve never seen it, so I don’t even notice what I’m missing. What is colour anyway? It's just light at a specific wavelength.” 

“I guess, but…there’s so much beauty in the world. The blue of the sky and the ocean, the feathers of a peacock, works of art.”

“There’s plenty of beauty in the world besides that,”Jane said. “The world, no, the universe,is huge and magnificent. Planetary motion, elliptical orbits around the sun. The planets of the solar system moving in harmony with each other. She was animated now, gesturing with her hands. "The rotation of the Earth, making the seasons possible. The constellations above our heads. And not just things, but _concepts_ , Kepler’s laws, knowing what makes it so. There is an order to everything in the universe. It’s all amazing, and I want to know and understand all of it.” 

Jane was aware she was rambling again, and worried she was boring her. But Rose was listening quietly, enraptured. Rose was quiet for a moment. Jane hoped she’d sound impressive, or at the very least, not daft. Then she giggled. “No wonder you needed so much help at the shop. Only a colourblind person would have come in dressed the way you did!”

“Oi! I have an excellent fashion sense!” she laughed. Rather than feel insulted, she felt more at ease from the friendly teasing. “Though I do like the trousers, by the way, excellent choice. They’re brilliant!"

Let me know if you want any other clothes. I’ll tell you when I’m working.” _It isn’t clothes I want from you_ , Jane thought, staring at her lips. She really had to stop thinking like this. She tried a different subject. “So, Christmas shopping done?” That was stupid; she was probably sick of shopping.

“Yeah. Didn’t have a ton. Just my mum and a couple friends. What are your plans?”

“Don’t have any, actually.” She’d been so caught up in work, she hadn’t even been thinking about Christmas. It was a little late, seeing as Christmas was already next week. 

“What? None?” 

“Nope. Family’s kind of distant.” Both literally and figuratively. She had a few great aunts and cousins scattered around the country. Their communication these days was largely via Facebook posts. “Yaz-my flatmate, the one who came in with me last time-is working.”

“She has to work on Christmas?”

“She’s a police officer.” Yaz always worked on Christmas. Her family didn't celebrate, and she liked getting time and a half. Ryan would go up to Sheffield to celebrate with his family. Which left her alone. 

“Oh, that's right. Anyway, you can’t spend the day by yourself,” Rose said. “You should come to my place.”

“Oh, I don’t know. Wouldn’t want to put you out.” An invite to her home was far too dangerous, too intimate.

“Don’t be daft! Mum loves having people over, and she always makes too much food. Besides, it would be nice to have someone else there under fifty. My friends have their own plans.”

She smiled again, and Jane found it difficult, if not impossible, to say no to her. She’d only really known her for a couple hours, if that, and she felt herself being pulled in, drawn to her. “Okay, I’ll come.”

Her face lit up. “Good! Can I get your number? I’ll text you my address.”  
—

“Ryan, I can’t do it. How do I get out of this?” Jane moaned as she leaned back in her office chair.

It had been four days since her invitation from Rose. They’d ended up talking for two hours until the coffee shop was about to close. She’d felt giddy at first, practically skipping to the bus stop after they’d finally parted. The next day, she came to her senses. What if she lost control of herself and made a move? What if Rose liked it?

“Jane, relax. You said yourself it's okay to go out with someone who's not your soulmate." Ryan rolled his eyes at the last word as he put notebooks into his backpack.

"She’s not a conquest! It’s..." She dared not describe it further to him. The intensity of her feelings overwhelmed her, overshadowing any possibility of a casual affair. "different."

"She’s just inviting you to Christmas dinner.” Ryan was exasperated, partly because it was the seventh time they’d had some version of this conversation so far. “You don’t have to do anything. Maybe she just wants to be your friend.”

“Friend, right. But what if that's not it? What if there’s mistletoe? It’s Christmas, there could be mistletoe.” She got up and started pacing, even though she could only take three steps each way in their tiny office. “I need an excuse, but she's not going to let me sit at home all day. Let me come with you to your folks.”

“Can’t do it. Family's coming in from all over, house is gonna be full up.” He grinned. "Besides, wouldn't want you to miss your date."

“It’s not a date!” she exclaimed, pounding on his desk for emphasis. “Fine then, tell me what to say to get out of it. You’re good at screwing things up with girls, think of something!”

Before Ryan could retort he was, in fact, brilliant with girls, Dr. O’Brien ducked his head into the office. “What are you two donuts arguing about? I can hear you halfway down the hall!”

“Sorry,” Ryan said. “Jane’s having trouble with her love life. Hung up on a girl.” 

“Ryan!” she hissed at him.

Dr. O’Brien shook his head. "Whatever it is, just keep it down."

"That's all right. I need to class." He picked up his coat and backpack. "See you later."

Dr. O'Brien lingered in the doorway after he left, and turned to Jane. “Noticed you’ve been distracted the last few days. Was Ryan right?”

She tried to keep from blushing. “No, not really.” She had a cordial enough relationship with Dr. O'Brien, but she didn't discuss her personal life with him. He had, at least, seemed unfazed by Ryan said _girl_. You never knew, especially with a man of his generation.

“Are you sure?” He looked over at her, concerned.

“It’s nothing, it’s just…” she paused, looking for the right words. She doubted he believed in soulmates. “You ever meet someone that seems wonderful, but you know it can’t last?”

He looked at her for a moment, as if lost in thought. “I had a five year relationship that broke off when I was your age. She was also an aspiring academic, and it was a slim chance we’d both get offers in London. She teaches literature in Prague. Worked out all right, I met Grace.” He gave her a small smile. “But it was five wonderful years, and I wouldn’t change a thing.” 

She recalled then Dr. O'Brien hadn’t been married to Grace very long, just a few years. Sixty years was a long time to wait for one’s soulmate. And what if Ryan was right, that the curse wasn’t really a curse at all? If she’d been wrong all these years? A sliver of doubt still nagged at her, with everything that had gone wrong with O, but Rose was nothing like him. 

Jane made a decision. She’d go to Christmas and see what happened. And Ryan had a point; it was just dinner. If nothing else, she wouldn’t have to spend the day by herself.


	5. Chapter 5

Christmas Day seemed like it took an eternity to come, but on the day itself, Jane thought the time had gone by too quickly. She was filled with anticipation but also worry. Mostly worry, if she was being honest.

“Yaz! Does this look okay?” she shouted. She stood in front of her bedroom mirror, examining herself, hoping she didn’t look like she’d put in too much effort. She chose a dark jumper and a pair of slacks, and she was pretty sure they matched. It was one of the jumpers she’d bought at Henrik’s, the most expensive one. Was that weird? Would she notice?

Yaz leaned on the side of the doorway, creasing her stiff work uniform. “It looks fine. Just like the last four you tried.” She raised an eyebrow. “I thought you said this wasn’t a date.”

“It’s not! It’s a holiday. I want to look nice.” She moved to the jewelry box on her vanity, looking through the necklaces. She pushed aside a few with tangled chains. She’d fix them later.

“Nobody makes this much fuss about a not-date,” she smirked.

“You don’t think I’m doing the wrong thing, do you?” It was a question she’d asked herself many times in the past week.

You’re just going to her flat for dinner. You don’t have to marry her. Besides, what if she is your soulmate?” Her eyes gleamed. “Maybe Ryan’s right. You have to kiss her or something for your vision to change.”

“Khan and Sinclair, dissecting my love life. Maybe you two should become Agony Aunts,” Jane grumbled.

Yaz shrugged. “Just seems like you really like her. Your whole face lights up when you talk about her.”

“Am I that obvious?” Before Yaz could answer, Gallifrey, their giant tabby cat, jumped up on the vanity and batted around a stray barrette. “Frey! Stop that! Get down!” When he (predictably) didn’t listen, she scooped him up and put him on the bed, where he curled up in a pile of clothes. “Blast it, now I’m covered in cat fur. Do you know where the lint brush is?”

“No, and I don’t have time to look. I’m already running late,” she replied. “Have fun. Should be back around ten. Tell me all about it. If you’re here.” Yaz winked before walking away.

“That’s not happening!” Jane shouted after her, flustered. Yaz was worse than Ryan. After hearing the door slam slut, she laid on the bed, arms spread wide, looking up at the ceiling. Frey, deciding she made a better pillow than dirty trousers, curled up on her chest. Now she really needed that lint brush.  
Her phone chimed. A text from Rose.

_Happy Christmas! What are you up to?_

She replied, _Being a cat bed._ Holding up her arm, she snapped a selfie with her and and Frey.

The reply came almost immediately. _Cute-and so is the cat 😉_

Had Rose just called her _cute_? Her heart sped up. She stared at the phone, having no idea how to respond.

 _See you at 5 😀 🌹_  
She gained her composure enough to write. _Looking forward to it! 😀_  
Five o clock. It was eleven now. What was she going to do for the next six hours? She was full of nervous energy, but nothing caught her attention. She should be cleaning. Her room was a mess. Instead she reached out and stroked Frey’s soft fur.

“Good thing pettin’ you is relaxing,” she told him. “Because you’re rubbish at catching mice.”

—  
It was twenty to five when Jane arrived at Powell Estate, having allowed extra time for the bus. She wasn’t sure how they’d be on a holiday. She walked around the grounds, quickly in an effort to keep herself warm. She didn’t want to show up too early. Belatedly, she realized she should have brought something, a gesture of politeness.  
When it was just after five, she walked up to the Tyler flat, willing herself calm. What was she so nervous about anyway? What was the worst that could happen? It was just dinner. She thought back to the flirty text she’d gotten earlier, still second guessing her response. She played with a fringe of her hair. 

Rose immediately broke into a smile when she answered the door. “Hi! Come on in.” The scent of home cooked food and cinnamon wafted through the air. “Can I take your coat?”

“Sure, thanks.” She slipped off her boots as Rose hung it up on a peg near the door. A woman that looked like an older version of her stepped into the living room, oven mitts on both hands. “You must be Rose’s friend! I’m Jackie, her mum.” She waved. “Sorry I look like a mess, just finishin’ dinner.”

“Jane, hi.” She gave a little wave. She thought Jackie put a little emphasis on friend, but she wasn’t sure. “Thanks for having me over.”

“Always.” Rose said, as her mum ran back into the kitchen. “Have a seat. Just finishing up dinner, and the rest of the girls will be here soon. We’re having ham.”

She took a seat on the sofa, perched on the edge. The living room was crammed with Christmas. Statues and holiday themed throws covered almost every surface. She was relieved to see there was no mistletoe. A large tree was in the corner. It had been years since Jane had a Christmas tree. She’d lost her old one in a move, and never bothered to replace it. She peered at one of the branches, a paper snowflake with scribbled crayon.

“I made that in nursery. Mum saves everything.” Rose looked a little embarrassed. She was holding a wine bottle and two glasses. “Do you want some wine? We have Merlot and a Riesling.”

“Merlot, thanks.” Wine was good. She wasn’t a huge drinker, mostly enjoying a pint with her labmates on Fridays at the Catalyst, but it would take the edge off her nerves.

Rose poured them each a glass. “What have you been up to today?”

“Oh, nothing much.” At home she’d tried to reading some papers, but hadn’t been able to focus. She ended up doing some cleaning as an outlet for her restlessness. She’d put on the Queen’s address but didn’t hear a word of it. “You?”

“Slept until ten. Been on at the shop for six days in a row. Thought my feet would never stop hurting.” She leaned back into the couch, carefully holding up her glass. “Back at it tomorrow, when the returns start coming in.”

“Bugger. I’ve got the next week off!” she exclaimed. Just a few sips of wine had made her tongue looser. “Best part of working at a university.”

“I hate you,” Rose teased. “Any big plans?”

“Not really. Working on a fellowship application.” She was still fine tuning her proposal, sending countless revisions to Dr. O’Brien until he nearly begged her to hold off until after Boxing Day.

“Rose,” Jackie poked her head out. “Can you come help me in the kitchen?”

“Be right there.” She carefully sat up. Grabbing the Merlot glass, she asked, “Sorry, duty calls. Can I top you off?”

“Yes please.” She held out her glass. She felt a softness already, a blurring at the edges of her awareness. By the time the other guests arrived, she was on the tipsy side of things. She’d eaten very little that day on account of nerves. Despite the other guests were all women around Jackie’s age, she had no problem chatting with them, telling them about work, and about the time she met Stephen Hawking.

In no time at all, they were called to dinner, she sat next to Rose in the makeshift dining area elongated by what looked like card tables. “Happy Christmas. Want to pull?” Rose gestured to the cracker between them.

"Sure." She hadn’t had Christmas crackers in ages. She grabbed one end of the shiny wrapper. The cracker failed to pop, eliciting only the tear of cardboard.

Rose rolled her eyes. “I always tell Mum, don’t buy the cheap ones.” Jane tried to unfurl the paper hat, but she was having trouble unfurling it. The wine had made her clumsier than usual. “You need help with that?”

“No, I’ve got it.” She said, carefully unrolling the paper. She hesitated at pulling the tissue apart, not wanting it to tear.

“Let me.” Rose said. She pulled open the hat, and placed it delicately on Jane’s head. Jane tried not to think about how her hands were nearly touching her head. “Looking good.”

Jane tried not to blush. “Thanks.”

The food was the best meal she’d had in weeks. She didn’t cook very often at home, often times grabbing a microwave dinner or subsisting from the vending machines at work. The voices of the women and Christmas music playing in the background creating a haze of pleasant white noise. Somehow her wine glass had been refilled, even though she didn’t remember asking for it. She chatted with Rose, who was telling a story about how one of the stockboys pranked her by pretending the store mannequins came to life. She laughed, feeling buoyant from both food and company. Only Jackie saying her name brought her back to Earth.

“So, Jane,” Jackie asked. “How long have you lived in London?”

She scrunched her nose. “Nine years, total? Mum and I, we moved around a lot growing up. Was here when I was little, for a time. Lived in Manchester for a while, then in Cheltenham, a couple small towns in Dorset….I don’t even know them all.” She was rambling. “I’m sort of from all over.”

“Did you come here for school?”

“Yeah! Well, graduate school, anyway.” Jackie’s tone was friendly, though Jane couldn’t rule out if she was being sized up as a potential suitor for her daughter. Her tone was friendly enough, so she might as well keep answering. “Went to uni in Bristol.”

“Bristol, lovely city.” she said. “Does your mum live in London?”

Jane’s smile faded. “Well, no.”

“Are you going to see her over the holiday?”

“I’m not, actually.” Her tone changed, low and solemn as her fork clinked against her plate. She didn’t want to talk about Mum, not now.

Jackie frowned. “Why not? Least you could do is give her a call.”

“Mum…” Rose began.

“She’s dead.” Looking up, she saw Jackie’s surprise, and all the conversation around them had stopped. “It’s okay. She died a few years ago.” Why was it she was comforting them and not the other way around? It was always like this.

Jackie put her head over her heart, clearly embarrassed. “I’m sorry, love. Didn’t mean to upset you.”

“Mum!” Rose was glaring at her mother. “Just drop it, all right?”

“No, it’s all right. Really.” But it wasn’t. She was overcome with a wave of sadness. It happened, from time to time, when thinking of her mother. She never knew when they’d hit. Her hand reached up to the necklace she was wearing. It had belonged to her mother, and she wore it often, as a reminder. She ran her fingers over the charm, two hearts intertwined, feeling the smooth metal under her skin, grounding herself. This can’t happen. Not here. Not in front of a bunch of strangers.

Without another word, Jackie shifted her attention to one of her friends, clearly uncomfortable. Jane stared at her plate, half eaten slices of ham and peas, unable to force anything down. She felt woozy from the alcohol. She sat in silence as conversation swirled around her. The noise and the surroundings were too much. She needed to get out of there, even for a moment. She stood up, as steadily as she could. “Excuse me, where’s the bathroom?”

“Right down the hall. Second door,” Jackie said.

In the bathroom, she sat on the toilet, taking deep breaths and stifling back tears. She focused on the ridiculous Christmas bath towel hung directly across from her. Shouldn’t she be past this sort of thing by now? She desperately wanted to leave, but there was no way to get past

 _That’s what you always do, when you’re in trouble. Run away._ A memory of one of Mum’s old friends, as they were packing to move yet again. They’d up and left so many times, to be rid of Mum’s shitty boyfriends, unpaid debts, arguments with the neighbors. Any time there was trouble, Mum made it go away by running. Sometimes the left without saying anything; once, they’d moved in the middle of the night. It wasn’t until Jane started living on her own that she realized how abnormal that was.

Maybe she could make an excuse about not feeling well. _It’s true. It’s not running away._ She closed her eyes, trying to summon up the strength to get up. She just needed to hold herself together for a few minutes.

She heard a knock at the door. “Are you all right in there?” It was Rose. She hung her head. She couldn’t bear to face her like this, but she needed to.

“I’m fine!” her voice was too high pitched, too fake sounding. She splashed some water over her face. She needed to look fine, even if she was anything but. “Be right out.”  
She opened the door to Rose, who searched her face with concern. “I’m sorry about Mum. Sometimes she talks without thinking.”

“’S alright. She didn’t know.” She slurred her words. She felt herself sway, and gripped onto the door frame to keep her balance. Too much wine.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” she said, putting an arm out to steady her.

“Yeah! Perfectly okay.” she stumbled forward. “Umm, maybe not.”

Rose looked doubtful. She glanced back toward the dining area with a frown. “Come in my room.” Still holding on to Jane’s arm, she led the way. “Right in here.”  
Inside the small bedroom, she stumbled towards the bed, feeling the soft mattress sink under her. Rose sat to her left, their shoulders nearly touching. Jane was grateful for the quiet, but also trying not to let her mind run off in some untoward directions. _I’m in her bedroom. Really shouldn’t be here._ But she couldn’t make herself get up, either. Rose’s room was almost as messy as her own. A bulletin board above her dresser was covered in photos. Mugs were piled on the dresser.  
“Just give yourself a few minutes,” Rose was looking at her, eyebrows fixed in worry.

She nodded. “Can’t believe, Mum’s been gone a while now, and sometimes it’ll just hit me. You expect someone to always be there, a constant in your life, until one day, they’re gone.” She sighed. “Sorry it happened today.”

“It’s all right.” Rose reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze. She smiled in spite of everything she was feeling. Her warm, soft touch felt wonderful. She looked over at Rose, who had a small smile of encouragement.

“She’d had a heart attack. Didn’t take good care of herself.” The words poured out of her. She didn’t normally talk about her mum that much, and she was dimly aware she shouldn’t be telling all this to someone who was practically a stranger, but there was something about Rose that made Jane feel safe, comfortable. “I was away at school. Found out later from one of her friends she’d been having chest pains on and off. Maybe if I’d been there, I could have made her seen a doctor. Gotten her to cut back on smoking.”

“You can’t blame yourself,” Rose said. “Besides, think she would have listened to you?”

She shook her head, smiling a little. “Mum, very set in her ways.”

“Yeah, same for mine.” She was quiet for a moment. “Is it weird I miss my dad sometimes? He died when I was a baby. Only know him from pictures, and stories Mum tells about him.”

“Good stories, I hope.” She turned to look at Rose, who still hadn’t let go of her hand. Her eyes were cast downwards.

“Yeah. He and Mum weren’t married that long, but they were happy.”

“I’m sorry.” She rubbed her thumb back and forth across Rose’s hand, noticing she smiled a little at the touch. She felt her sadness, her loneliness dissipate like vapor.  
“He was going to be an inventor. Change the world. Then he got hit by a car. Just out of the blue, he was gone. Just such a random thing, you know?” She paused in thought, hesitant, unsure if she wanted to ask. “Your dad?”

“Never knew him. He ran out on Mum before I was born. She said I was better off. I was ten when I learned his name wasn’t actually The Bloody Sod.” They both laughed. “Don’t know where he is. Don’t want anybody in my life that doesn’t want to be there. Is that bad?”

“I’d feel the same way. You want to surround yourself with people who care about you.” She smiled, brighter this time. ”Feeling better?” 

“Yeah, much better. Thanks,” Better was not entirely the right word. More like [lecherous but soft]. Everything she was saying and doing felt just right, and it was making her more attractive. Letting go of her hand, Rose started stroking her back. Her eyelids drooped from sleepiness, and she wished she could lay down, even though that was too dangerous, going too far. Instead she leaned up against Rose and heard a soft sigh in response. “Guess one of the hard parts is I don’t have too many people to talk to about this. You move around a lot, makes it hard form friendships.” It was hard to let herself form attachments, especially when she knew she’d have to leave, sometimes without warning.

“Yeah, that sounds really hard. But sometimes you meet someone and, even after a short time, you just...connect.” Rose’s words trailed off to barely a whisper. “You know what I mean?”

Jane didn’t say anything, but her eyelids fluttered open. Rose’s lips slightly parted just inches away from her own. She felt like she would burst if she didn’t act. Vaguely, she was aware she shouldn’t be doing this, but at the moment, she couldn’t think of why. All she had to do was move a bit and…

“Girls? We’re about to have cake.” Jackie called from outside the door.

Rose pulled away, startled. “Okay, Mum.” Her eyes darted away from Jane, suddenly shy. “Guess we’re expected.” Jane didn’t respond, still in a haze. After regarding her for a moment, Rose walked out of the room without another word.

Jane stood up, still feeling a little unsteady and not entirely sure what had just happened. She cursed herself for not having acted sooner, and at the same time for possibly reading the situation entirely wrong.

“Feeling better, Jane?” Jackie asked as she sat down in front of a giant slice of cake. “You look a little flushed.”

“Yes,” she forced herself to smile.

“Sorry again about your mum.”

“It’s fine.” She kept trying to catch Rose’s eyes, but she kept diverting them. Had she done something wrong? Whatever it was, she didn’t want to make Rose any more uncomfortable. After finishing her cake without paying much attention to the taste, she said she should be going.

As she was getting her coat, Rose approached her handing her a foil wrapped plate with a shy smile. “Hey. Mum says you’re not allowed to leave without taking home leftovers.”

“Thanks” She smiled back. Whatever had happened or didn’t happen, it doesn’t seem like it put her off permanently.

“You’ll be all right getting home?”

“Oh yeah. ‘Sides, I’m sure the bus drivers are used to drunks.” She’d sobered up enough to walk to the bus anyway. “I’ll see you around yeah?”

“Yeah,” They both stood frozen in the doorway, unsure of what to do. Then Rose leaned over and gave her a warm, if awkward hug. Jane leaned into the hug, savoring the closeness as much as she could without upsetting the plate of food. _I might need to have more near breakdowns_.

\--  
An hour later, Jane was home and laying on the couch, feeling mostly sober and hoping she hadn’t been too much of an embarassment. She was thinking about putting the telly on, when she got a text from Rose.

 _Did u get home OK?_  
_Yes. Getting all that leftover ham up the stairs left me knackered 😂_  
_Do you want to see a movie on Friday? I’ve got to work but can meet you afterwards._  
She sat up. Yes. Yes she would. She wasn’t entirely sure if this was a date or not, and she felt foolish asking, but she could have a night out with a friend. She pondered for a moment how to respond, not wanting to seem too eager. _OK. What time?_  
The response was immediate. _6?_  
Her fingers flew. _There’s a great old theater in my neighborhood. I’ll send you the address._

After they’d made arrangements, she laid back on the couch, mind reeling too much to focus on anything but Friday. Two days. She told herself it probably wasn’t a date, just friends getting together for a movie. But she couldn’t keep her heart from thudding in her chest at the thought of seeing Rose again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Full disclosure: I’m American, and the only time I’ve seen Christmas crackers is on British TV shows. Apologies if I got the details wrong. You have no idea how disappointed I am there are no actual crackers in them :)
> 
> -Rose uses rose emojis just like Billie Piper does on Twitter.
> 
> -Human!Thirteen name drops. Because of course she does.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is late. I was working on some other WIPs, including an original work, and dealing with real life stuff, and I didn’t want to throw this up until it was the best writing I could do. Another factor was this chapter has a makeout scene and I felt kind of embarrassed to write it. Such that writing a few hundred words took the better part of an afternoon. I hope it turned out okay!

Jane stood waiting in the lobby of the Panopticon, rocking back on her heels and glancing around the lobby. Rose should be here any minute. She’d texted to say she’d gotten out of work late and she was on her way. They’d exchanged a few texts the night before, and she’d sort of gotten a date vibe, but sometimes it was hard to tell the tone over text.

She glanced down at her outfit, wondering for the fiftieth time if it was acceptable. Yaz hadn’t been around to consult, She’d sifted through the piles of clean clothes and picked out black skinny jeans, a white blouse, and a black vest. She wouldn’t be mismatched, if nothing else. She hoped she didn’t look too dressed up. _Calm down_ , she told herself as she walked. _You’re seeing a movie with her. Nothing more._ But she found herself unable to keep the smile off her face. 

She spotted Rose, dressed in a dark, puffy coat. There was a weariness in her step, but her eyes lit up when she saw Jane. “Hi!” she said. “Sorry again for being late. Hope you weren’t waiting too long.”

“Just a few minutes.” She had, in fact, been pacing in the lobby for about twenty, worried about being late, but she didn’t want to admit that. 

“This is a lovely theater.” Rose examined the now-disused original ticket booth, putting out a hand to touch the ticket window. 

“Yeah! Love coming here. It’s not like Cineworld, all bland and corporate. Wait until you see the inside. It’s got some personality. Big classical columns on the either side of the screen. They do live shows here sometimes too. They built this place back in the twenties. Started off showing silent films. They still show a few every so often.” she stopped, suddenly self conscious of her rambling. 

“It sounds amazing.” Rose nodded, taking in every word. “So what should we see?”

She’d been so caught up in thinking about Rose she hadn’t even thought about the movie. She looked over the combination ticket booth/candy counter. Since there were only two screens, their choices were limited. “ _The Favourite_ starts in fifteen minutes. Want to see that?” she asked. She vaguely remembered hearing good things about the movie. It had won an Oscar, maybe? She wasn’t sure; it had come out months ago, and she hadn’t followed it that closely.

“Oh yeah, I’ve been wanting to see that!” Rose exclaimed. “I heard Olivia Colman is really good.”

“So have I! Two please.” Before she could say anything, the ticket agent took the cost of both tickets out of her twenty pound note. Jane wasn’t sure what to say; she hoped it didn’t seem presumptuous. 

Rose took her stub, nonplussed. “Want to split a bag of popcorn?”

“Sure,” she said. Splitting popcorn, strictly for economic purposes. Nothing meant by that. Right? 

—  
Two hours later, Jane walked out of the theater, mortified.

She knew _The Favourite_ was a period movie. She didn’t know it was about Queen Anne having sex with her female courtesans. She was certain her cheeks were burning through the entire thing. She kept giving Rose anxious glances during the movie, but she didn’t seem to notice. She was transfixed to the screen, a gentle smile on her face. Jane tried to read her expression for shock, horror, something, but mostly she saw hints of amusement. She caught Rose looking back at her once, and turned away,sinking into her seat. At least she wasn’t disgusted.

“What did you think?” Rose was blinking, trying to adjust her eyes after being in the dark for two hours.. “’Twas pretty funny.”

“Yeah, yeah I liked it.” She nodded. Her voice was high pitched, almost a squeak. She tried to think of something from the movie that didn’t involve carnal acts. “Liked Abigail, actually.”

“Really? She was pretty awful.”

“She was a total baddie,” Jane admitted. “But she didn’t let her past define her. Wasn’t her fault her father gambled her away. She could have kept working as a domestic, but she saw the chance to be something more. I can kind of relate to that.” Someone of her class and background wasn’t supposed to set foot in academia, much less succeed. 

Rose nodded in understanding. “Just tell me you didn’t sleep with the Queen,” she said, deadpan. 

“No! I didn’t sleep with anyone!” Another blush was creeping up her neck. “Well, that’s not what I mean. But you know what I mean.” 

“Oh, yeah, wasn’t implying anything. Just kidding.” They were both quiet as they walked towards the theater doors. “I’m getting hungry. Are you hungry?”

“A bit,” she said. She hadn’t eaten dinner beforehand. “I could go for some food.” 

“A bit? You ate most of the popcorn!” she giggled, giving Jane a light punch in the shoulder. “I want chips. Do you want chips?”

“Chips sound amazing,” she said. “I know a great place. It’s just a couple blocks away too.” 

\--  
The Cheeky Chippy was the best fish and chip shop in the area, despite its decor not having undergone in an update since the 80s. Unfortunately it was also the busiest. Despite that it was nearly nine, the place was packed. “Happens a lot. Very popular place,” Jane said, her eyes roaming down the booths. “The best chips though. Must be something they put in the oil.”

“In that case, I’m getting my own order,” Rose smirked. “I’m starving!”

“Oi, you should have gotten the popcorn while you could!” Jane teased. Jane surveyed the chippy while they stood in line. There was a thin strip of Formica counter near the window where they could squeeze in, but they’d be standing. There wasn’t another chippy within walking distance. Not a good one, at least. In a burst of confidence, she asked, “Should we go eat back at my place? It’s not far from here.It’d be easier than standing at the counter. Especially since you had to stand all day.” 

“I did.” She broke into grin, the kind Jane had already adored. “That sounds amazing.”

They walked back to Jane’s flat, chatting more about the movie. Jane tried to remember how much of a mess the place was. She had meant to do some cleaning on her week off, but she hadn’t gotten very far, favoring reviewing a manuscript and catching up on telly over housework. She couldn’t remember how late Yaz was working tonight, and wasn’t sure if her presence was a good thing or a bad thing.

“Yaz?” Jane called as she opened the front door. No answer. “Guess she’s out. You want anything to drink? Water? Tea?”

“Water’s good, thanks.”

“Make yourself at home. Just need to take care of a few things.” Her laptop and a stack of mail were on the kitchen table. After setting down her fish and chips, she scooped everything up and dumped them on the counter. 

“Need a hand with anything?”

“Shouldn’t take long.” She quickly grabbed some plates from the cupboard, setting two across from each other on the small kitchen table. “Sorry about the mess, by the way. Wasn’t expecting company.”

“No big deal.” Rose shrugged. “You’ve seen my room.” 

“You should see mine. It’s much worse.”

“Is that an invitation?” Rose leaned forward, giving Jane a flirtatious look made her stop in her tracks. There was no mistaking her intentions. Their eyes met, tension thick between them. She swallowed, torn between reaching out to her or deny everything, including everything she was feeling.

In the end, paralysis won out. “Um, maybe later. We should eat.” Her voice was flat, a strained effort trying to keep an even tone. 

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” A flash of disappointment briefly crossed Rose’s expression as she sat down. “Nice place. How long have you lived here?” There was a note of caution in her voice, as if she were searching for a safe subject.

“About three years. Longest I’ve lived anywhere, actually, aside from student housing.” She opened her chips. “Gets a bit chilly in here during the winter, not to mention the radiators clang all night, but other ‘n that, it’s all right.”

“Never seen a bright purple sofa,” she grinned, jerking her head back to the living room.

“I didn’t know sofas aren’t supposed to be purple!” It was also the first home she’d furnished, and the sofa, along with most of the furniture, had come from a charity shop. “Also, couldn’t tell what colour it was.”

“Oh yeah, sorry.” Rose looked down, embarrassed. “Forgot about that.”

“’Sall right. Easy thing to forget” Jane reached out to pat her arm, letting it linger. Their eyes met again, and she felt her heartbeat raise a notch, while daggers of doubt stabbed her brain. She wasn’t sure if she could control herself, or if she should.

The moment was interrupted by Frey jumping on the table, headed straight towards their dinners. “Frey! Get down!” Jane grabbed him by the scruff, setting him on the floor. “Sorry ‘bout that. He’s after the fish.”

“He’s fine.” Rose watched him in amusement. Frey padded over to Rose’s chair, rubbing against her legs. “Well, hello handsome boy,” Rose said, reaching down to pet him. Frey raised his head, leaning into the petting. 

“Look at you, you little charmer,” Jane smirked. After doing a quick scan of the table for stray cat hairs, she grabbed some more chips. “Only after one thing. Yaz and I found him outside one night while we were getting takeaway. We gave him a bit of our food, and he followed us home.”

“He’s a sweetheart,” Rose said. “I’ve been bugging Mum for a cat since I was nine. She won’t let me get one.” 

Jane was about to tell her she could come over and pet her cat whenever she’d like, but realized before the words were out of her mouth that could lead to another potential innuendo. Instead, she shifted the conversation to daft customers, the weather, politics. Safe topics. Trying not to stare as she talked. Trying not to touch her, even by accident, as she might not let go the next time. 

After they finished eating, they both lingered in the kitchen, uncertain. “You want to watch telly?” Jane asked. She didn’t want to seem rude by asking her to leave, and she did like having her here, even if she wasn’t sure if it would lead into dangerous territory. 

“Yeah, all right.” Rose smiled, lazily wandering out to the living room. 

While Jane flipped channels, Rose sat down next to her, much closer than she expected. She kept her focus on the TV, trying to ignore the hammering of her heart. “Probably mostly rubbish on a Friday night.” She spoke quickly. “I’ll put on a _Bake-Off_ rerun. Love _Bake Off_. Tried making the tennis cake once, but it turned out more like a bomb went off during the match.”

Rose didn’t reply. She let her gaze wander from the television screen to Jane’s eyes, then downwards. She reached out to touch the entwined hearts around Jane’s neck. Jane stopped, barely able to breathe. “You wore this the other day. One of your favorites?”

Jane swallowed, her mouth suddenly dry. “Yeah. Wear it all the time,” she said softly. The flickering from the television was the only light in the room, but it was enough to see Rose’s tongue running across her lips. _I shouldn’t be doing this_. If she had any sense at all, she would ask her to leave, or at least pull away. But Rose was so close and so pretty and kind and funny and she smelled of jasmine and lavender and she didn’t need a drop of wine because she _was so intoxicating_. 

She thought of what Ryan said, how she didn’t know how the curse worked.  
She thought of spending night like this, alone in her flat. Holidays and birthdays and ordinary days, all alone. Possibly for decades.  
And then, for once, she didn’t want to think. 

Closing her eyes, she leaned forward and brushed Rose’s lips with her own. 

She was met with a breathy sigh before being grabbed by the shoulders and kiss. She pulled Rose closer, reveling in her soft warmth. Lips meeting hers, again and again, with urgency as their mutual ardor blossomed. A tongue probing into her hungry mouth, accompanied by soft moans. Lightheadedness overtook her because she couldn’t make herself stop to breathe. _I should invent an oxygen exchange system for make-out sessions. Might work for astronauts too._ All thoughts of engineering or breathing were forgotten, irrelevant, when Rose moved down to kiss her jawline. Her fingertips skimming along her side, sending a shiver through her body. Despite her feather light touch, she felt her desire ignites, more than she’d felt in ages.

“You have no idea,” Rose whispered between kisses, “how much I’ve wanted this.” An echo of her own thoughts

“Oh?” Jane raised an eyebrow. “Is that why you got me alone in your bedroom?” 

Her face flushed as she pulled back, but only slightly. A hint of embarrassment crossed her face. “You’d had a lot to drink. I-I didn’t want to take advantage of you.” 

“Yeah, I get that.” Gripping on to her tightly, Jane laid back, pulling Rose on top of her. “You can take advantage of me any time you want. In fact, I insist on it.”

That was all the encouragement Rose needed. Her fingers threaded through Jane’s hair as she gave her more long, drawn out kisses. She moved down, kissing her neck, eliciting whimpers of pleasure. In response, kissing evolved to nibbling, and her breathing came in shallow gasps. She already felt like she was coming apart, the ache between her legs becoming more pronounced by the second. She needed more, more of her, and she needed it now.She wrapped her legs around her, pressing into her.

If Rose was feeling the same urgency, she wasn’t acting like it. She was tortuously slow, she trailed down further with her mouth, kissing her throat. Deft fingers reached for the top buttons of her blouse, one by one. She arched her body up slightly, to let Jane undo the buttons on her vest. “It’s a cute outfit.” Rose purred in her ear. “Shame it has to come off.” 

“Such a shame,” she agreed. The last button undone, she hastily pulled her blouse open. 

Rose pulled back, taking in the view. “God, you’re beautiful.” Through half lidded eyes, she watched as Rose kiss her way further down, kissing her collarbones. Jane arched her head back, gasping at the gentle fingers roving down her breasts. The slightest touch sent waves of pleasure through her. No amount of fantasizing had come even close to what she was feeling. 

A thought, unbidden, popped into Jane’s head. Had the curse been broken by kissing her? It was hard to tell in the dim light. She twisted up and around, looking into the kitchen. Still shades of grey. Come to think of it, would she know what colour was if she saw it?

Rose looked up at her with a quizzical expression. “Everything okay? Do you want me to stop?”

“No!” she cried. “Just…thought I heard something. Probably the cat. Whatever you do, don’t stop. Please” She emphasized the last word. Grabbing her hair, she pulled Rose in for a deep kiss, moaning at the taste and feel of her. 

“Noted,” she said when Jane finally let go. “So that invitation to your bedroom-still stand?”

“Absolutely.” And for the rest of the night, Jane had no thoughts of soulmates, or curses, or of anything other than the sensations flooding through her.

—

Jane pulled the duvet up closer to her bare shoulders, shivering from the cold. She turned her attention to the sleeping woman next to her, nuzzling her hair. She didn’t want to move, as if something magical had happened last night, and getting out of bed would break the spell. She wasn’t sure what was going to happen next. She only knew she wanted more of the woman in her bed. She laid next to her, breathing in her scent, as the sunlight filled the room.

Eventually, she felt Rose stir, and roll over, facing her. A slow smile spread across her face. “Hi,” she mumbled, still half asleep.

“Hi,” she replied, pushing a lock of hair away from her face. Even though she’d just woken up, Jane thought she looked absolutely lovely. 

“Do y’know what time it is?”

She reached over and grabbed her phone. “Just after eight.”

“That late? But we got to bed so early.” 

“We didn’t get to _sleep_ that early” Jane pointed out, grinning. 

“True.” Rose smiled back. She reached out, tracing the outline of Jane’s face. She closed her eyes, flopping back on the pillow. “I should get up. In theory.” She mumbled.

“Would coffee help? I could get you some,” Jane said. 

Rose smiled and nodded. “Coffee sounds amazing.”

“Coming right up.” Jane pressed a kiss to her temple, and got up, searching the floor for her dressing gown, finding it under a stack of textbooks. She threw it on and went out to the kitchen.

Yaz was already up, dividing her attention between her phone and a bowl of oatmeal. Given she was wearing a sweatshirt and track pants, Jane guessed she was about to go to the gym. How she had the energy to do that, Jane had no idea. “Morning,” she said. 

“Mornin’ Yaz.” She went to fill the coffee pot with water. “Didn’t hear you come in.”

“It was late. After work I went out with Sonya for a bit. Surprised I didn’t wake you up. You must have been knackered from banging the shopgirl.” 

Jane nearly dropped the coffee pot. Whirling around, she caught the smug grin on Yaz’s face. She couldn’t keep from blushing. “How did you…”

“Extra pair of shoes and coat at the door. It’s a relief, actually. If I had to hear about one more text from her and asking if it meant she liked you, I would have thrown your phone out the window.”

“I wasn’t that bad!” She searched the cabinet with the coffee mugs, looking for ones that wasn’t chipped. She decided on her Royal Astronomical Society mug for Rose, and a double decker bus one for herself.

“You were insufferable!” Yaz said. “So, how was it?”

“It was nice.” Jane said in a dreamy voice. More than nice. She got so distracted thinking about the night before she didn’t realize she hadn’t put the coffee grounds in the pot. Snapping herself out of it, she grabbed the scoop.

“Are you going to see her again?”

“I don’t know.” Not having a lot of experience with dating, she wasn’t sure how these things worked. She felt awkward broaching the subject.

“But you like her a lot. Just ask her.” Yaz’s phone buzzed. Looking at it, she said, “It’s Ryan. He says congrats.” 

“What?! What did you tell him?!” she exclaimed. She tried to snatch her phone, but Yaz pulled it away. 

“Everything.” Yaz grinned. She put her empty bowl in the sink. “Should head out. Tell her I said hi.” 

Shaking her head, Jane filled the two mugs with coffee and headed back to her bedroom. Rose was dressed and looking at her phone. “Sorry that took so long,” she said, handing her a steaming mug. “Wasn’t sure how you liked it, I can go grab sugar or creamer. Or half and half? We might have that.” 

“Black is fine, thanks,” she said. Jane sat next to her on the bed, sipping her coffee. “Was just texting Mum. I promised to help her with a few errands today.”

“Oh, right. You need to get going?” 

“Not this second. First, coffee.” When she finished drinking, she asked. “So…hope this isn’t too presumptuous, but do you have plans for New Year’s?”

Jane tried to contain her delight. “Not sure if this is what you have in mind, but I get together with my mates at a bar near campus. Kind of a tradition. Do you want to come?”

“Yeah, I’d love it,” Rose smiled.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, dear readers! The next few chapters are going to be full of fluff. Lots of fluff. Disgusting, sickening, tooth-rotting fluff. Hope that’s all right :)

On New Year’s Eve, Jane spent most of the day working on her fellowship application. Trying to contain her excitement for that night made it difficult to concentrate on what she was doing. Submitting her proposal with ten minutes to spare, she turned her attention to getting ready for the party. The plan was Rose would come to her flat. They’d take the bus to the Catalyst with Yaz, where they’d meet Ryan. 

“Yaz, how much longer are you going to be gettin’ ready?” Jane called from her bedroom. Yaz had taken over the bathroom for the last hour.

“Almost set. Five more minutes.” She shouted.

“You said that twenty minutes ago!” Yaz was terrible about taking too long whenever they went out. “I don’t want to be late.”

“Relax, we’ve got at least four hours of the year left,” she huffed. “You won’t miss the fireworks.”

Sighing, Jane went back to carefully applying her lipstick It was a light shade, not that different from her own lips, as far as she could tell. Yaz had helped her pick it out; she said it was called coral, and said it looked nice on her. She didn’t wear makeup that often, but only for special occasions. And a date on New Year’s Eve was definitely a special occasion. She tried to calm the butterflies in her stomach. _How much more nervous am I going to be around her?_

When the doorbell rang, an irrepressible grin sprang to her face despite the butterflies. She rushed to the door to buzz Rose in. “She’s here! Are you ready yet?”

“I’d get done faster if you didn’t keep asking!” Yaz ducked out of the bathroom, eyelash curler in hand. “Promise not to rip off her clothes while I finish up.” 

Jane rolled her eyes. “I’m not that bad!” She smoothed her hair back and patted her clothes, looking for stray cat hairs before opening the door. 

“Hi,” Rose gave a shy grin.

“Hi,” she said. “Yaz is still getting ready, sorry ‘bout that. She always takes forever. Want to come in for a moment?”

“Sure.” She unzipped her bulky coat, revealing a black, strapless dress that hugged her curves, the hem falling to her knee.. Jane swallowed hard. Regardless of what she’d told Yaz, ripping off her clothes seemed like a very good idea at the moment. 

Catching her staring, Rose’s expression shifted to coyness. “You like it.”

“You look…”, having a hard time forming words. “amazing,”

“You look nice too. Love the braces.” Rose reached out and ran her fingers along one, pulling the fabric away from her chest. Jane’s breath hitched as they passed over her breast. She let go, maintaining the coy smile. Jane tried to keep her composure. How could one tiny touch make her melt like that?

“I didn’t get all fancy. Not really a dress person, me..” The words rushed out of her as she tried to contain her feelings. Along with the braces, she’d chosen a smart button down and trousers. “Compared to you, I’m feeling undressed. Underdressed! Underdressed I mean!” she stammered. 

Rose’s grin widened with amusement. “We’ll see how the night goes. So this place, it’s casual?”

“Pretty standard student pub, hope that’s all right.” She briefly wondered if she should have skipped the bar and gone to a nicer place. Too late to do anything about it now “Not so much casual as dodgy. We go there because it’s near the campus, and it’s cheap. Ten pounds for a pitcher. Ryan and me, we go every Friday with a bunch of the other students from the department. Gets pretty crazy.”

“Didn’t expect you lot to be such heavy drinkers.” 

“Mostly we’re just blowing off steam. We’re all in the lab fifty, sixty hours a week, and sometimes you get frustrated when the tenth experiment in a row doesn’t work.” She liked going, even if she usually didn’t go overboard on the drining. It helped her feel like part of the group, rubbed out the line of outsiderism that stood between her and other other students. “That’s why there’s a rule: if you bring up work, you have to buy the next round.””

She laughed, and Jane thought she sounded angelic. Rose’s hand slipped down to take hers. 

“Sorry I’m running late!” Yaz rushed into the living room, fastening her hoop earrings. “ Hello.” she waved at Rose in greeting.

“Nice to properly meet you.” Rose waved back. Gesturing to Yaz’s outfit, she said, “Thought it wasn’t a fancy place.” 

Yaz looked like she was going clubbing rather than a campus pub. She wore a light off the shoulder crop top and a skirt even shorter than Rose’s. Her long hair was curled and pulled back. “Last time I went to this pub, there were a lot of hot guys, and midnight on New Year’s Eve is a perfect excuse for a snog. Jane, you think that tall bloke with the curly hair and the beard will be there tonight?” 

“That describes half the blokes that frequent the place.” Jane chuckled. “Shall we?”

—  
The Catalyst, as would be expected, was wall to wall bodies when they arrived. Strains of music could be heard from the jukebox was drowned out by conversation. A New Year’s Eve countdown played on the small, grimy television screens over the bar, a change from the usual football matches. The women made their way through the crowd to Ryan, who had saved them a table.

“Good to meet you, Rose. Jane talks about you all the time.” Ryan poured everyone a glass from the pitcher he’d ordered earlier. An already half empty pitcher, Jane noted. She glanced at Rose, slightly embarrassed; she hoped she hadn’t been too obvious, or pathetic. But under the table, Rose reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze.

“Heard a bit about you two, as well,” Rose said “How did you all meet?”

“Ryan and I went to primary together, in Sheffield,” Yaz’s eyes darted around the room as she spoke, scanning for Tall Bearded Bloke. “When I was thirteen, my family moved here. But we kept in touch a bit.”

“I didn’t know a lot of people here when I first came for school, but I knew Yaz, and we started hanging out again “Ryan said. “Then I met Jane when I joined the lab.”

“We’ve been working together on an x-ray detector to send up on a satellite. Ryan, brilliant with machines,” Jane said. “And a little after Ryan and I met, I was in need of a new flatmate and he introduced me to Yaz.”

“Wasn’t sure about her, at first.” Yaz nursed her beer. “When I came over to see the flat, she was very excited to show me the glow in the dark stars she’d put on the ceiling. You know, the kind for kids? They were in every room. She’d arranged them in constellations.” 

“Glow in the dark stars?” Rose said, inquisitive. “I didn’t notice those,”

Yaz nudged Ryan with her elbow. “I told you she was a top. You owe me twenty quid.”

“Yaz!” Jane flushed with embarrassment as her friends burst out laughing. Rose, thankfully, seemed amused. “Enough out of you lot. Anyone want to play darts?” She gestured to the dartboard in the corner. 

“Better do it now before I’ve had too much to drink,” Ryan said. 

After clearing out some playing area and gathering darts, they began to play Around the Clock, chatting and drinking between turns. After a few rounds, Jane was far ahead of the others. “How do you do that so well?” Ryan groaned. He’d been stuck on 4 for the last two rounds.

“It’s simple mechanics, Ryan. You should know this,” Jane gestured with her hands. “Estimate the velocity of the dart, and the trajectory angle. while factoring in the gravitational constant, air resistance, and the coefficient of friction.”

“Hmmmm, that sounds like work, Jane. You need to buy the next round.” Rose gave her a playful smile.

“I agree,” Yaz folded her arms. She was even further behind Ryan.

“Oh, come on! It’s not!” Jane protested.

“It’s definitely work-related,” Ryan said. “You know why we have that rule, Rose? Because of her. She’d come in here and start prattling on about planetary orbits and whatnot. She’d even write out equations on a napkin!”

“You didn’t!” Rose laughed. ”Come on, off you go. We’re getting thirsty.”

“But...that doesn’t count!” she exclaimed. The others said nothing, but Yaz shoved the empty pitcher towards her. “Oh, fine. I’ll be back,” she grumbled.

When she returned with a fresh pitcher, the three of them had sat down, talking and laughing. Rose had quickly fit in with her mates, Jane noticed. That was a good thing, but she couldn’t help being a tiny bit envious. She was the type of person who tended to weird people out.

“Hey.” She set the pitcher on the table. “What’d I miss?”

“Not a lot,” Yaz said. “I was just telling them about that thing with the screaming woman a couple weeks ago. I told you about that, right?”

“Oh yeah, that was so weird!” Jane nodded. At work Yaz had been called to investigate screams coming from an old, abandoned house. When she’d arrived, it was not only empty, but looked like it had been untouched for years. Neighbors watching outside hadn’t seen anyone leave.  
“This guy recorded the whole thing on his phone, so he wasn’t making it up. Whoever this woman was, she just disappeared somehow.” Yaz poured herself a drink . “Dad thinks it was aliens.”

“Or it could be a witch,” Rose said.

Ryan and Yaz turned to look at Jane, looking to see how she responded. Witchcraft hadn’t come up as a topic between them. “What do you know about witches?” she asked evenly, meeting her eyes.

“I hear things. Some of my mates say they’ve met one.” Her eyes shone when she spoke, as if she were not speaking of a potential danger, but of a curiosity. “There’s been some people on my estate who have had things happen they couldn’t explain.”

“Couldn’t be a witch though,” Yaz said. “Don’t they lose their powers if they go into cities? They’re like, nature based and all that?” 

“Yeah, nobody really knows,” Jane said casually. She was eager to get off the subject. “More darts?” 

“Sure. I’ll go grab them,” Rose said.

As she was retrieving the darts, Yaz nudged Jane, elbow jutting into her side. “You haven’t told her?”

Jane quickly shook her head. “She knows I’m colourblind, but she doesn’t know the rest. Told her it runs in my family.”

“You should.” There was a note of disapproval in her voice.

She scrunched up her face. “Do I need to? We’ve gone out a couple times, it’s not like it’s serious.” The thought of telling her about the curse made her stomach drop. Would Rose feel angry? Used? That wasn’t what she’d meant, but she didn’t know how to say it without hurting her.

“Maybe, but it’s obvious you like each other a lot. She should know. Before you get too involved.”

“You’re right. I should.” Jane didn’t take her eyes off Rose as she spoke. How she moved among the bargoers, twisting aside to let another couple pass. Handing the darts to Ryan, watching her laugh about something she couldn’t hear. She was trying to map every move, commit it to memory. She felt captivated, in a way she never had before. “I’ll do it soon.”

Yaz nodded in approval, though she didn’t look entirely convinced.

\--  
“You really do have stars up there.” Rose stretched out on the bed, pointing at the ceiling. “I thought Yaz was kidding. Speaking of which, is she going to be all right getting home?”

“She’ll be fine. She never drinks that much.” They were lying in Jane’s bed after coming back from the Catalyst. They’d lost Yaz shortly after midnight. While they were outside watching fireworks, she caught a glimpse of Tall Bearded Bloke, and was off in pursuit, texting to say she’d take an Uber home. They’d stuck around with Ryan for a bit, but after a few more drinks he started chatting up a few women, mostly with poor results. He lived in walking distance, and his housemates could get him if they needed to. 

“So the stars. I’ve taken some of them down. The ones in the kitchen burned out quickly,” Jane had put them up when she’d first moved in They’d gotten weaker with use, even though their shapes could still be made out. “But I kept the ones in here. In some of the places I’ve lived, you can see the stars on a clear night, but I can’t here. Too much light pollution. I only get to see the stars when I go to the observatory.” she added wistfully.

“Will you tell me about them? The constellations and all that.” Besides the stars, the dim streetlight outside provided the only source of illumination in the room. Her expression was earnest, though slightly bashful. “Think we talked about them in primary but I don’t really remember.” 

“Of course.” Jane brightened. “Now, it’s not to scale, given that my room is pretty small, but I did my best. That big group of stars, one over there by my closet, that’s Ursa Major. The three stars in a row, by the window are Orion’s Belt. Venus is over there, ‘course, that’s a planet, but it came with the stars and I wanted to put it up too.” she stopped when she realized Rose wasn’t looking at the ceiling, but with her. “What is it?”

“I like watching you talk about the universe.” she traced a finger hand along Jane’s cheek. “ You get this look of wonder in your eye, and your smile... I’ve never seen anything like it.”

“Oh!” She let out an excited gasp. Most of the time, the reaction from her rambling on about her interests lead to polite, disinterested smiles at best. She wasn’t sure what to say. “I’m glad you like it.” 

“You have so much passion.” Her hand dropped lower, under the blanket, finding the small of her bare back. 

“Not just for stars.” She drew Rose closer for a kiss. One kiss led to more, and soon they were frantically grasping at each other, consumed by passion. For Jane, the universe narrowed to the hot mouth pressed against hers and the hands roaming her body, moving between her thighs...

_She should know. Before you get too involved._ Yaz’s words came back to her, a warning. She hadn’t told Rose anything, telling herself she didn’t want to ruin the evening. It was a holiday, after all. _I’ll keep it light, Simple._ , she thought. _I won’t let myself fall for her_.

But deep down, she knew she was already falling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies if I got some of the physics wrong on this. It's been *cough* years since I took Mechanics.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dear readers, thank you for your patience! Sorry this is a day late, but I ended up rewriting this chapter throughout the week.
> 
> In this installment, Jane and Rose go on a museum date. It's my fic. I'm a nerd. I say there's a museum date :) To the best of my knowledge, the London Science Museum does not have musical stairs; I borrowed that detail from a different museum.

Jane laid sprawled out in her bed, unwilling to move. She needed to get up and get to the lab, but she was having a hard time moving. She was starting to seriously dislike mornings where she woke up alone, but reminded herself she’d see Rose tonight. 

They’d been together for two months. Well, 68 days, if she counted from their movie and chips date. Which she did. They weren’t officially _together_ together, she reminded herself. They’d never defined the relationship or what they were doing, just spent nearly every possible moment together. It wasn’t easy. Jane was in the lab for long hours, and with Rose working retail, their schedules didn’t always mesh. But they found time for dinners, movie nights and the occasional excursion, such as tonight’s to the Science Museum. The museum was hosting a special after hours event for members only. She had a museum membership, but she didn’t get to go as often as she liked. 

She had not yet told Rose about the family curse, either, despite Yaz’s insistence. There’d been no more mentions of witches, and Jane had kept meaning to say something, but they’d known each other long enough now that she felt weird about bringing it up. There was also the gnawing fear she wouldn’t react well. 

Her thoughts were interrupted by a staccato meowing coming from the foot of her bed. Frey had marched into her room, demanding breakfast. “All right, Frey, give me a moment.” Sitting up, she swung her legs to the floor and rubbed her eyes. Frey walked back and forth, brushing up against her legs. Yaz must not fed him, which was unusual, because she normally was an early riser. Jane hadn’t been home much this past week, but vaguely remembered something about her having a date last night. Some bloke she’d met online; things had fizzled out with the one from New Year’s Eve. Well, if she hadn’t come home last night, good for her. Smiling, she got up to feed the increasingly whiny cat.

—  
Jane was at the lab, untangling wires from equipment, when Yaz called.

“Guess where I am?” she said immediately. Before Jane could answer, she said “The hotel in the Shard! The view is amazing!” Jane heard her phone buzz, presumably a photo.

“So, good date last night?” she grinned. 

“He’s even more handsome than his picture. And so charming. But I called to tell you we’re going out again tonight. He’s taking me to the Science Museum thing you’re going to!”

“Oh, brilliant!” Jane said. “But seeing him again so soon?”

“He’s just in town for the weekend, but he comes to London on the regular. I should be home soon. Get this: he’s having a car pick me up tonight. You guys can ride too if you want.”

“No can do. Goin’ straight to the museum from the lab. We can meet you there.”

“You’re in the lab all day?” she said in disbelief. “But it’s Saturday!”

“Don’t remind me,” she sighed. “By the way, Frey’s already been fed, so don’t believe him if he says he hasn’t.”

“He’ll insist,” she said with resignation. A muffled deep voice was in the background. “I gotta go. See you tonight!”

Jane stared at the phone, with amusement. Yaz’s new man sounded highly promising. She texted Rose about it, even though she wouldn’t see it right away. She had to keep her phone in her locker while she was on the shop floor. While she had her phone open, she scrolled through Instagram and saw a picture of a dog dressed as a ballerina. Chuckling, she sent that to Rose too; she liked sending her funny pictures. She was tempted to call Ryan at the observatory, and gossip about Yaz; they’d done it enough to her the past few months. She decided it could wait. 

—

Rose was waiting for her when she approached the museum entrance, huddling in the doorway to avoid the cold. 

“Hi!” she gave Rose a peck on the lips. Just being close to her, Jane felt an order of magnitude better than she had before, as if a piece of her had been missing. “How was your day?”

“Not bad. Except someone kept texting me silly pictures.” She gave Jane a playful grin. Jane had, in fact, sent her five more pictures throughout the day. “Let’s go in, I’m freezing.”

In the main entrance hall, Rose scanned the list of exhibits. “Haven’t been here since a field trip in secondary. Probably more fun with my own personal tour guide.” She reached for Jane’s hand. “What do you suggest?”

“There is the new exhibit on Isaac Newton.” Jane’s eyes sparkled. “Looking forward to that.”

“Newton? The bloke who had an apple drop on his head?”

“Yeah, but he did so much more than that!” Jane exclaimed as they walked. “He discovered the laws of motion, designed a telescope, worked in celestial mechanics. The whole field of astrophysics owes him a massive debt.” She pointed to a large rectangle on the map. “That hall on the third floor is the event space. Why don’t we look around a bit and we’ll head up there?”

“Sure,” she said. “So tell me about Yaz’s date? What’s he like?”

“Haven’t met him yet.” She pushed back a stray lock of hair with her free hand. “Don’t even know his name. Just that she was rather enamored with him.” Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a glowing set of steps, and her eyes lit up. “Ohhh, look. They’ve got the musical stairs set up again! Love the musical stairs!” Running over to the stairs, she ran up and down, the stairs playing a note and lighting up with each step. “Look, Rose! I can play “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star!” She jumped among the stairs, playing the melody, with Rose watching her and laughing. She was so focused on playing and watching Rose, she missed a step, and tumbled down the stairs.

“Jane! Are you all right?” Rose ran over to her.

S There was a mild stab of pain in her ankle, but her ego was wounded more than anything. “I’m okay, really. Just went down two or three stairs.” 

Rose offered her a hand up, shaking her head. “What am I going to do with you?”

Jane gave her an evil grin. “Do you need suggestions?”

“ _Later_. If you’re good.” 

“But you like it much better when I’m bad.” She whispered in her ear.

“Let’s not get kicked out of here.” It was impossible to ignore the flush in her cheeks. She grabbed Jane’s hand again. “We should find a less physical exhibit, yeah?” 

—  
They spent the next hour touring museum exhibits, with Jane eagerly overexplaining most of them. When they were among the space exploration display, Jane’s phone buzzed. “Yaz is up in the event hall. Let’s go meet her.”

In the event hall, museum goers were clustered in small groups, talking and sipping their drinks. A DJ was playing music at a raised table above the crowd. Uniformed servers mingled among the crowd, carrying trays of hors d’ourves and champagne flutes. Jane scanned the crowd looking for Yaz, but when she found her flatmate, her face fell.

Because her date, the man whose arm was encircling her waist, was O.

In a tuxedo, he stood out from the more casually dressed crowd, a picture of elegance. Yaz matched him in a sparking evening gown. She didn’t own a dress like that; had O bought it for her? Jane watched as he addressed a loose group of onlookers, gesturing with his free hand. He whispered something in Yaz’s ear, and she tipped her head back, laughing. She looked entirely taken with him. This was bad. Very bad. In a surge of panic, Jane started stepping backwards, hoping they hadn’t seen her. But before she could get away, Yaz caught sight of her. 

“Jane! Over here!” she waved. To her apprehension, O’s expression twisted into a small smile of malicious delight. When Jane came no further Yaz and O approached.

“Hello, Jane.” Releasing Yaz from his grip, he approached her, nearly speaking into her ear. “Fancy running into you here. Fancy, in my case, at least.” 

She stepped back, as much as she could in the crowd. “What’s got you all dressed up?”

“I’m the family ambassador.” He held his chin in the air. “Grandfather has given a donation to the museum for a new wing, to be announced tonight. Part of the _noblesse oblige_ , but you wouldn’t know about that.” He was trying to sound distinguished, nonplussed. But she could recognize the restrained anger in his eyes. 

Yaz’s expression turned to confusion as her eyes flicked from O to Jane. “You two know each other?”

“We did.” O’s face hardened, staring dead at Jane. “Until she used me.”

“That’s not how it happened.” Her cheeks flared. This was what O did. He twisted things around, made it seem like it wasn’t his fault. And now she feared he was gong to get Yaz on his side.

Realization dawned on Yaz. She whirled to face Jane. “I thought you didn’t do that. You were with him even though he wasn’t your so-”

“It was a long time ago. Right after my mum died.” Jane nervously cut her off.” She’d never told O about the curse. He couldn’t find out now. “I was lonely and vulnerable. He took advantage.”

“I was there for her. When nobody else was.” He turned back to Yaz. “I looked after her. And she just up and left without a word.” His face softened, a picture of hurt, but Jane knew better than to fall for that. 

“If looking after means constantly insulting, yeah.” Jane said through clenched teeth. 

Yaz looked at Jane with disbelief. “He’s been nothing but a gentleman to me.” 

“I suppose it doesn’t matter, anyway. Looks like you’ve changed teams, eh Jane?” He gestured to Rose, who’d been quietly taking in the unfolding scene. 

“I’ve always been a switch hitter, more or less,” Jane said. In her fury and anxiety over O, Jane had nearly forgotten Rose was there. How much of this had she caught? What would she think?

“Really?” His smile went from gloating to lecherous. “You should have said something! Think of how much _fun_ we could have had!” 

“Women aren’t objects for your benefit.” Rose jumped in, shooting him daggers. She put a protective arm around Jane’s shoulders. “Especially not her.”

“Yeah, that’s right,” Jane added. “You want playthings, go get a Happy Meal.” Her companions gave her an odd look, and she winced. It sounded better in her head. 

O opened his mouth to argue, but glanced back at Yaz. She looked a little cross after his remark, but hadn’t backed away from him either. His expression softened again. “I should let you ladies mingle. Enjoy the evening. Yasmin, I’d like to introduce you to some more of the VIPs.” Taking her arm, he started to lead her away. 

“Yaz!” Jane reached forward and put a hand out to her shoulder. She whirled around. “Don’t go with him. I know it sounds bad, but I had my reasons.”

Her brows furrowed in annoyance. “You’re not in a position to tell me who to be with.” She nodded to Rose. O gave a jerk of his head, signaling for her to follow. She huffed and gathered up her skirt, trailing behind him. 

Jane reeled back, leaning up against the DJ booth, putting her head in her hands. She couldn’t believe Yaz had fallen for O’s decent human being act. She usually had such a good head on her shoulders. She couldn’t have O in her life, much less her flat, and if Yaz kept seeing him…that couldn’t happen. Not at all. At the same time, she wondered if he’d been right, that she’d used him. _No, no. This is what he does. He gets under your skin and makes you doubt yourself_ , but she wasn’t fully convinced.

“Jane? Everything all right?”

She snapped back to reality, lowering her hands. Concern was written all over Rose’s expression. “Yeah. Sorry about him.” 

“You have nothing to be sorry about. He was the asshole.” Rose’s hand closed over hers. 

“He was,” Jane said. She wished Yaz could have seen him for what he was, but she was far too smitten. She’d called him handsome, charming. Jane knew all too well how charismatic O could be. At least Yaz would be able to handle his explosive temper when it appeared. “Would you mind if we left early? And went back to your place?” She didn’t want to risk seeing them again, and she especially didn’t want to go home if O would be there. 

Rose nodded. “Yeah. All right.” She gave her a slight smile, but the concern lingered in her eyes. She wasn’t sure if that concern was for her or about her. 

—

Upon arriving at the Tyler flat, Jackie gave them both a warm greeting. “Hello, girls! Didn’t expect to see you tonight!” She immediately clasped Jane in a hug, who stiffly endured it. As much as she liked Rose’s mum, there were very few people she hugged, and Jackie was not one of them. “Did you have a good time?”

“We did.” Jane answered before Rose could say anything, forcing a smile. 

Jackie considered her, not entirely convinced but willing to accept her answer. “Can I get ya anything?”

She shook her head. “We’re fine, Mum,” Rose said with a trace of annoyance. “Just going to relax here tonight.”

“All right.” Jackie picked up her book from the kitchen table, a paperback romance. “I’ll be in my room if you need me.”

Without saying much, Rose put on a movie. Jane tried to get immersed in the movie, but her thoughts kept drifting back to O. She’d been to on edge to say much for the Tube ride back to Rose’s estate. Would she tell him about the curse? What would he say to Yaz about her? She’d have to talk to Yaz alone, but she was in no shape to do that. Not now.

From the anxious glances back at her, Rose wasn’t paying much attention to the movie either. Despite sitting next to each other on the couch, she felt like there was a chasm between them, and she was desperate to close the gap.

About halfway through the movie, she couldn’t take the tension anymore. “You must be wondering about O,” staring into the distance. “It was years ago. When I was at St. Luke’s. I try not to think about it.”

Rose nodded, studying her for a moment. “Was it true? What he said?” She looked like she didn’t want to ask.

“Sort of? I was in a bad place… and he made it worse. Lots of insults. Told me I wasn’t smart enough for grad school. By the end I just felt so small, so useless, I had to get away from him.”

“You? A second rate mind? What a wanker!” Rose looked like she was ready to punch him. Then she softened, eyes downcast. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”

“Thanks. S’pose it was my fault. A bit. Could have ended things better.” Tension eased, she stretched into the couch and snuggling up against Rose. 

They sat in silence watching the movie for a while longer. Out of nowhere, Rose said, “Just so you know I’ve got an ex. Mickey.”

Jane shook her head. “I don’t need to know.”

“Just in case we ever run into him. Not that he’d act like that,” she said. “Everyone thought I was crazy for dumping him. Mum got on me a lot about it. ‘He’s a good lad. He treats you well.’ And he did, but, well, there just wasn’t that spark, you know? I wanted something more.” She cupped Jane’s chin in her hand. “And I found it.”

“I know the feeling.” She drew closer, leaning in for a kiss, but Rose stopped her, holding her back.

“Just promise me you won’t just take off, without saying anything, like you did to him. I don’t know if I could stand it.”

She held Rose’s pleading gaze. There wasn’t much she could do about where they ended up, but she would do as much as she could to spare her pain. “I promise.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely readers! This chapter is short, but it didn't feel right combining these events with what happens in the next chapter. You'll see :)

Jane paused for a moment before opening the door to her flat, apprehensive about what was on the other side. She hadn’t intended to spend the night at Rose’s place, but they’d fallen asleep on the couch. She’d declined Rose’s offer to come back with her this morning. Yaz had shown restraint in not mentioning soulmates last night, but she wasn’t sure her flatmate would continue to do so. 

When she entered, everything was still, the only sound being Frey softly snoring on top of the radiator cover. Jane let out a breath. Maybe Yaz had stayed with O again. She was about to head into the kitchen when Yaz emerged from her room in her dressing gown, pulling the door shut to just a crack behind her. 

“Hey,” she said. The flash of anger she’d seen the night before was blunted. “Should we talk?”

That was Yaz, getting straight to the point. “Sure,” Jane’s reply was cautious. They sat on the couch, Jane regarding Yaz carefully, as if she were a bomb about to go off. 

After a moment of quietly regarding her, Jane started. “You don’t know what he did to me.”

“I do, actually.” Yaz looked at her with sympathy. “After you left last night, he told me everything. About how he kept trying to undermine you, kept criticizing you all the time. He knows he was an asshole. He feels awful what he did to you, but he was young then. You both were. And he felt so hurt when you ghosted him.”

“Not awful enough to apologize,” Jane frowned. She supposed O could be a proud man. Maybe she’d been too harsh on him, but her gut told her otherwise. “So you’re going to keep seeing him?”

“I had a really good time with him.” her eyes shone as she spoke. It was easy to see how much Yaz already liked him. Well, Jane knew a thing or two about that. “He’s not in town that often. Maybe once a month.” She offered as a form of appeasement.

Jane considered this. She hated to disappoint Yaz, and she’d probably go on seeing him even if she didn’t give the okay-she was stubborn like that-but she seemed to be looking for her approval. She sighed. “All right. But a couple ground rules.”

“Such as?”

“One, do not bring him here.” The thought of having O in her flat make her skin crawl. She didn’t trust him to not go through her things. 

“You can’t do that!” Yaz’s eyes widened. “I live here too. I pay half the rent!” 

Yaz had a point. Sighing again, she said, “Fine, just tell me if he’s going to bring him here. I don’t want to see him. I don’t want to be near him. I’ll make myself scarce.” She’d stay with Rose. Or crash on Ryan’s couch. She could sleep in her office if she had to. 

“Fine.” Yaz nodded quickly. She almost looked nervous. “What else?”

“He doesn’t know about the curse. Not a word to him.” She was firm. “That’s not negotiable.”

Yaz crossed her arms. “All right, but you still need to tell Rose about it.”

“There hasn’t been a good time.”

“Don’t think there’s ever going to be a good time to tell someone you have a predetermined soulmate.” 

“Do I really need to though? What if Ryan’s right?” Jane said. “There is no curse, I just inherited colourblindness from my mum? The whole story about witches was just a myth?” 

“Didn’t think you’d ever agree with him.”

“Don’t know what to believe, right now,” she said. “The only way to be sure is to find a witch.” She thought of the witch she’d seen as a child in Larkspur. She could track down the witch. No, she shook her head. that was too dangerous. 

Yaz regarded her for a moment. “You love her, don’t you?”

Jane paled at the word. A word on the fringes of her consciousness, a feeling she dare not name, pushed aside. “And if I did, would it matter?”

Yaz’s tone softened. “If you do, you should tell her the truth.” 

“I know I should, but…” Jane put her head in her hands. “Every problem has a solution. I’m just not seein’ it here. I need to think.”

“Jane, why don’t you go take a shower and think about it?” Yaz pointed to her disheveled state.

Jane sat up, brightening. “I do my best thinking in the shower. Spent two hours once trying to figure out an irregularity in orbit calculations. Figured it out but the water bill that month was sky high. Good idea, Yaz.” With that, she got up to grab her dressing gown. “Oh, one more thing. If O ever hurts you, even the slightest bit..”

Yaz held up her hand in a stop motion. “I deal with violent criminals on every shift. I can handle him.” 

“Yeah, I know.” She headed to her room. Maybe Yaz didn’t realize it, but the worst kinds of pain were from the people one cared for the most.

—  
Unbeknownst to Jane, O was in Yaz’s room, pressed up against the door in his boxers. Defiant and angry, Yaz had brought him back here last night rather than his suite at the Shard, but now she seemed much more subdued. She’d slipped out the door, asking him to let her handle it. That was quite all right. In fact, this was better than he could have imagined.

So Jane’s colourblindness was the result of a curse? He’d heard of such things. Father had sent some of his employees to seek out witches, determined to put their powers to use. All of them had come back empty handed, if they’d come back at all. No matter, the employees he’d sent were expendable. 

O scowled as he thought back to their days in undergrad. He’d expected to be the highest performer, as he’d been all his life. And then Jane had come into the program, all enthusiastic and clever and blowing everyone out of the water. Jane, a nobody from nowhere, and she thought she was so special. She didn’t belong. Of course, there were a few individuals that said he didn’t belong because of his skin tone, but he had enough money and connections to convince them otherwise. Getting her into his bed had been a glorious triumph; he’d enjoyed her body as much as he delighted in putting her in her place. It had been so humiliating when she disappeared. No one ghosted a Vohra. No one. 

He could tell the chavvy blonde Jane had been with last night everything he’d heard. He’d get Jane for what she’d done to him. He rubbed his hands together with glee. Yasmin (he’d have to convince her not to go by Yaz, he much preferred her full name) had mentioned she worked at Henrik’s. He sniffed. Henrik’s was for commoners to pretend they could afford proper clothing. He reached for Yasmin’s phone on the nightstand, looking for more clues about her, but it was locked. No matter. He had ways of finding out. 

He heard footsteps approaching, and rushed back to the bed, stretching out as if he were relaxing. Yaz opened the door barely enough to squeeze in. She picked up his trousers off the floor and threw them to him. “She’s in the shower. You need to get out of here before she sees you.” 

Nodding, he scrambled to get dressed. “Everything all right?”

“It will be. When are you headed back to Cambridge?”

“Not until this evening.” Having donned his trousers, he grabbed his dress shirt, quickly buttoning. Eyes lingering over him, a slow smile crept across Yaz’s face. Grabbing him by the shoulders, she pulled him close for a passionate kiss.

She was breathless when they parted. “I can meet you in a couple hours. I’ll tell her I’m going to the gym,” 

Not only did she know her station, she was delightfully devious. He gave her an evil grin. “It is fun sneaking around, isn’t it?”

“As long as we don’t get caught. Now go!” Thrusting his tuxedo jacket in his hands, she nearly pushed him out of the bedroom.

O took a cab back to his suite. On the way he emailed Father’s assistant, asking him to find everything he could about a girl named Rose who worked at Henrik’s downtown. Her full name, where she lived, her socials, and all her contact info. He wasn’t going to use it right now. Not yet anyway. He liked Yasmin, and she’d be furious with him. But he wanted the information, just in case he needed to stick his oar in.


	10. Chapter 10

Jane kept waiting for the other shoe to drop with Yaz and O, but a month went by and nothing bad happened. Yaz was clearly speaking with him often, spending more time on her phone than usual, but by tacit agreement, she only brought him up when strictly necessary. He’d come by for a visit this one weekend, but Yaz had spent the whole weekend out of the flat. There was nothing else for Jane to do. She’d vented to Ryan about it after the weekend at the museum, but he’d mostly nodded in sympathy. She suspected he was afraid of upsetting Yaz, and had chosen to remain neutral. She couldn’t blame him, she supposed.

At least things were still going well with Rose. They’d continued to see each other as much as Jane’s schedule allowed. Rose had expressed an interest in learning more about what she did, and Jane offered to give Rose a tour of the lab, one evening before going out to dinner. 

“Welcome to where the science happens!” Jane threw the lab door open with a flourish. Rose gazed slowly around the room, unsure of where to look. Inside were two wooden benches, packed with every inch of them packed with tools and gadgets. The rest of the lab had already gone home for the day, leaving just the two of them. Jane couldn’t quite read her expression. 

Finally Rose said, “I thought it’d be more impressive. Like all blinking lights and big screens monitoring space and stuff.” 

“Oi, we’ve got state of the art equipment here!” Jane teased. She took Rose over to a massive machine sitting on the lab bench. “Well, in progress. This is a more sensitive way of detecting x-rays. Ryan and I are working on this for an upcoming satellite launch. When it’s in orbit, it’ll collect data on x-rays from around the galaxy, as far as 30 million light years away!” 

Rose put her arms on Jane’s shoulders, a hint of mischief in her eyes. “You know, you’re hot when you start talking science.”

“Am I?” she settled her hands at Rose’s hips. “I could keep going all night. Want to hear about long range detection of gravitational waves?”

“Think I’m more interested in heavenly bodies. Or one, in particular.” She leaned in for a kiss.  
Jane hummed into her mouth, letting a hand creep up along the small of her back. Not content with stopping there, Rose pushed her against the bench, her kisses turning forceful. Despit feeling a wrench driving into her back, Jane didn’t want to stop.

“We could just go back to my place.” Jane’s cheeks were flushed as she whispered in her ear.

Rose drew back. “Oh no, you’re not getting out of buying me dinner that easily!” a playful smirk on her lips. “Besides, I’m hungry.”

“Oh, so am I,” lust flickered in her eyes. “All right, dinner then, but dessert’s at mine.” She traced Rose’s chin with her finger. “I just need to shut down my laptop before we go.” 

Back in the office, Jane leaned over the laptop screen. An email notification from the University of Edinburgh popped up. “I better take a look at this quickly. Might be important.” When she opened it, her mouth dropped open:

_Dear Dr. Smith:_

_We are pleased to inform you that you are a finalist for the Kasterborous fellowship. As part of the final selection process We are interested in arranging an interview with you on one of the following dates…_

She couldn’t process the rest of it. She was too excited. “Rose, I have an interview for a fellowship!” she exclaimed.

“Oh, that’s fantastic!” Rose’s eyes widened in excitement. “When?”

She glanced over the list of dates. “Two weeks, give or take.” She bounced, still leaning over her chair; she could barely keep still. “This is a big opportunity. I’d be performing research at the University of Edinburgh! Great astrophysics department, brilliant minds, cutting edge work.”

Her smile faltered. “Wait. You mean, full time?”

“Yeah. It’s a two year fellowship. It’s extremely difficult to look at a telescope in Scotland from here.” 

“Kind of far away, isn’t it?” Her voice was flat monotone.

“A bit, yeah.” She was so caught up in the moment, it took her a moment to put it together. If she got the fellowship, it meant leaving London. Leaving Rose. And even though she knew she had to end things with Rose at some point, she didn’t want it to. For a moment, she regretted saying anything. “It’s just an interview. There will be at least ten other finalists. Probably won’t even get it.” 

Rose seemed to perk up at that, but only slightly. She looked guilty more than anything. “But if it’s a good opportunity for you…”

“It would be, yeah.” She snapped her laptop shut, and slipped it in her backpack. “Should we go for that dinner?”

“Yeah, let’s go.” Rose forced a smile. 

—

“So you have to go all the way to Scotland just for the interview?” Rose poked at her red curry. Over the similarly untouched appetizer, Jane had told her about the fellowship and the process. “Can’t they do it by video conference?”

“It’s not just a chat with a manager,” Jane explained. Her food was also barely eaten, but mostly because she’d spent most of the meal talking. “I’ll be meeting with several members of the selection committee, and I’ll be giving a talk on my work.” 

“I’d hate that. Public speaking makes me too nervous.”

“In a way, that’s the easiest part. Used to hate public speaking, but I had to give a lot of presentations in grad school. Once you’ve done your tenth or twelfth, you’re used to being up on the podium, you realize you don’t have to be afraid anymore,” Jane said. She’d given a number of talks at this point, and once she was talking about her own research, she was in her element. She tried to be positive. “It’s only 4 1/2 hours by train. If I got the fellowship, I could come back and visit.”

“Yeah, I suppose.” Rose said, her disappointment barely disguised. She was quiet for a moment, looking down at her food. “Could I go with you?”

“No!” The response shot out of her. She couldn’t ask Rose to uproot herself. Especially not if she wasn’t her soulmate. At Rose’s sudden frown, she added “It’s not that I wouldn’t want you to, but…” she flailed for a response. She didn’t dare explain about the curse now. Things were delicate enough at the moment as it was. She couldn’t lose Rose. Not yet. “It’s a little soon for me.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Rose hesitated for a moment, searching her face. “Can I ask you something else?”

There was only the slightest hesitation in her response. “Anything.” 

“What are we doing? I mean, we probably should have talked about it before now, but…” she trailed off, looking down at her uneaten food. “I really like you, and I’m wondering…if we’re…you know, what we are.”

Jane flushed when she realized what Rose was saying. She’d deliberately avoided defining the relationship, subtly changing the subject if anything remotely related came up. 

“I guess I’m not really big on labels.” She reached across the table for Rose’s hand. “But I really like you too.” That was true, at least, on both counts. The term _pansexual_ applied to her, but she almost never used it. 

Rose gave her a genuine smile in response, the first since they’d left the lab, but her hesitation lingered. “Would girlfriends be okay? If not…”

“Yes! More than okay! Wonderful!” Jane found herself saying. She had no right to think of Rose that way, but felt incredibly light at the thought of it. _My girlfriend_. It was impossible not to smile when she thought of it. For a moment, Jane she thought about turning down the interview, then shook the idea out of her head. She couldn’t do that. She’d been working towards her career for the past decade. And to sidetrack it for a girl she’d been dating for a short time, who wasn’t even her soulmate. It would be completely foolish. Yet, there was a tiny part of her that would tear apart universes for her. “The fellowship wouldn’t start right away. Everything in academia takes forever. Won’t be gone tomorrow, I promise.”

That seemed to help Rose relax a little. Her shoulders untensed. “Do you know what you’re going to wear?”

“A suit? I could use a new one.” Her previous suit, from when she’d defended her thesis, was in bad shape. “Know where I can get one?”

Rose grinned. “I might be able to help you with that.”  
—

The next two weeks were all about the interview prep. Jane worked on her talk with Dr. O’Brien and members of her lab. She reviewed papers, her past work, and went through everything she thought the selection committee would possibly ask her. She spent most of her time prepping for the interview.

With Rose, she ended up choosing a black suit, with a checkerboard pattern on the jacket. Dark, velvet squares interspersed with satin, lighter ones. A stark white shell blouse and perfectly fitted matching trousers completed the outfit.

The only wrinkle in her plan came a few nights before she was set to leave for Edinburgh. She was at home, laptop and papers spread all over the coffee table, when Yaz shyly approached. 

“Hey, got a minute?” When Jane looked up, she continued, “Thought I should let you know, O is also a finalist for Kasterborous. In case you run into him.”

Jane swallowed. That wasn’t what she wanted to hear, but she did appreciate the warning. Seeing him out of the blue on the Edinburgh campus would have completely thrown her off her game. “Okay. Thanks for telling me.” She gave Yaz a tight lipped smile. 

“Sure. When do you leave again?”

“Thursday. Going the afternoon before and I’ll take a look around Edinburgh. The interview is Friday morning.”

“Okay. Good luck.” Yaz grabbed her tea mug and went back to her room. Jane wondered which of them Yaz was rooting for. 

—  
On the day of the interview Jane was running late as she raced across the university campus, despite having set an early alarm,. She’d spent more time than expected on her hair and makeup, and then her taxi got stuck in traffic. She weaved in and out of the crowd of tired, hunched over students dragging their feet to morning classes. Her first meeting was with Dr. Riordan, the head of the selection committee, followed by two more interviews with faculty, and finally her talk.

She arrived in the Astrophysics office with two minutes to spare. “Hi, Jane Smith, 9:30 meeting with Dr. Riordan,” she said all in one breath to the plump receptionist. 

“Mornin', Dr. Smith. Have a seat right there.” She gave a congenial smile, and pointed to the plastic molded chairs next to the desk. “Dr. Riordan should be finishing up with the previous candidate and be back here at any moment. Can I get ya anything, love? Tea? Coffee?”

“No thanks, I’m good.” Jane said.She smoothed her suit jacket, wishing she’d had time to check her hair beforehand. The last thing she needed right now was more caffeine. Her brain was buzzing with everything she was trying to remember. “So how are you today?”

“Good. Looks like we’ll have a wee bit of sunshine today.” she looked up from her keyboard, glancing over at Jane. “I like your suit.”

“Thank you.” Jane smiled at her.

“The checkerboard pattern reminds me a bit of the gent that came before you, the one Dr. Riordan’s interviewing now. Much stranger. Wore a purple plaid suit. Think he’s tryin’ to go native?” 

“Possibly, yeah,” Jane nodded in agreement. A little eccentricity was accepted in academia, but not too much, and certainly not at a junior level. It should be easier to rule him out.

Until she heard a familiar voice booming in the hall. No. Not him. Of all the time slots he could have had…

O walked in with a diminutive, grey haired man who she guessed Dr. Riordan, joking and laughing as if they were the best of friends. His shiny leather briefcase swung from the crook of his elbow. His laughter came to an abrupt stop, then his mouth curled in a deliciously wicked grin.

“Well, hello Jane,” he gave a small wave.

“You know each other?” Dr. Riordan looked between them.

“We went to undergrad together.” She jumped in before O could give a more detailed account, keeping a steely gaze on him.

“Wonderful! I need a minute or two with Barbara,” he gestured to the secretary. “You two can catch up.”

As Dr. Riordan peered over Barbara’s desk, O sat down next to her with a conspiratorial grin. “I took Yasmin to a wonderful seafood restaurant the last time I was in town. It’s a shame you and your little friend couldn’t join us.” 

“Not a chance,” she said in a low voice, her jaw set. She thought to turn the tables on him. He’d always hated how much smarter she was. “You really think you have a chance at this?” 

“More than a chance.” He examined his nails, looking bored. “Dr. Riordan and my parents are old, old friends. You know what they say, Jane. It’s not what you know, it’s who you know. Combined with that, my publication record, a glowing recommendation from Professor Yana..I’m a shoo-in.”

“Wouldn’t be too sure about that.” She puffed out her chest, trying to look confident, but she wasn’t feeling it. O’s words stung, because when it came down to it, he was right. She thought of his words from long ago… _pathetic…don’t even belong in the field…you should find something easier…_

No. She was not going to let O rattle her. 

“Dr. Smith?” Dr. Riordan approached. “Sorry about the wait. Are you ready?”

“Yeah, I am.” She squared her shoulders and gave him a cheerful smile. She drew herself higher, looking O directly in the eye. “Good luck.”

With quick, confident strides, she left the office and swore not to think of O until she left campus.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, lovely readers! This chapter is very short, so it's a bonus post. I'll do the regular Sunday post tomorrow (4/26), not that days mean anything anymore hahaha.

When Jane got home from Scotland, it was after seven. Before finding dinner, she decided to gave Rose a call. “How did it go?” she asked.

“It went well,” she said brightly. “Pretty well. It went okay. All right, I was probably not a complete embarrassment.” In one of the faculty member interviews, she’d rambled on and on in response to a question, and hadn’t even noticed until she saw the interviewer checking his watch. At another point, she was asked a question she knew the answer to, but couldn’t think of it. She’d gaped with her mouth open for several moments while she tried to put her thoughts together. Seeing O had thrown off her focus more than she would have liked to admit. The other finalists were probably more polished. More clever.

“I’m sure you were great. You’re the best astrophysicist I know,” Rose assured her.

“Oi, I’m the only astrophysicist you know!” She peered into her fridge. Nothing particularly appealing.

“That’s not true, I also know Ryan,” she pointed out. “Which I guess makes him the worst astrophysicist I know.”

“Don’t let him hear you say that!” she was smiling despite herself. She pulled out some crackers from the cupboard. Crackers could be a brilliant dinner. It was better than eating from the vending machines on campus, at least.

Rose was laughing. “So, while you were gone, I was thinking. Been a few years since I took a proper holiday. Would you be interested? Maybe just a weekend trip.”

“I’d love it.” Jane smiled. Two, or possibly three straight days with Rose sounded like bliss. Even during the short trip to Scotland, she’d missed her terribly. “Where to?”

“The countryside? Didn’t have a particular place, just thought it would be nice to get away. With you.”

“Let me do some research. I’ll find something great.” She’d also have to figure out what she could afford, but she wasn’t going to pass this up. 

After hanging up, she perused a few options while munching crackers straight from the box.   
There was a seaside town near one of the places she’d grown up that was absolutely charming. Being mid-May, it was the beginning of the high season, but early enough not to be too crowded. A quaint inn had reasonable rates, and she booked a room for the weekend after next. It was best not to think about the interview, she decided. It was done. Nothing for her to do about it now. 

—

The holiday did not get off to an auspicious beginning. Jane left packing until the last minute, which meant she was frantically stuffing clothes into her hand luggage when Rose arrived outside with the rented car. On the way there, they’d gotten a flat, and after struggling with the unfamiliar task of changing a tire, had to call for roadside assistance. When they got out into the countryside, they lost mobile signal, which meant they lost satnav signal, which meant they, too, got lost. They had to stop and ask for directions several times. By the time they arrived at the inn, it was half past eight, much later than expected, and the innkeeper grumbled while showing them to their room. 

Jane’s face fell when he opened the door. It was much smaller than in the pictures, not the romantic retreat she’d pictured. The rug was worn, there was no fireplace, and the bed was only full size.

“This isn’t the room from the website.” She complained to the innkeeper, a ruddy, older man with creases stretching across his forehead. “Sure you have the right one?”

The innkeeper grunted. “This all we got, miss.” 

Anger flashed in her eyes, and she was about to protest further but Rose put a hand on her shoulder. “’S all right.” Eager to accept the tacit approval, the innkeeper left, clicking the door shut behind him.

The springs groaned as Jane sank down on the bed. “Should have known it was a scam when the rooms were only 40 quid per night! Sorry about this.” She looked at the worn bedspread, running her fingers along the fabric of the duvet. It looked clean, at least. 

“I’m just glad we finally got here. Bed’s looking good.” She fell backwards, spreading out her arms. “It’s comfy. Mostly.”

“Only mostly?”

“Can feel a few of the springs in my back, actually.” She sat up quickly. “By the way, I brought something for you.”

“I’ve got something for you, too. Not much but…” She got up and rummaged through her luggage to grab the packages. “All your favorites. Jaffa cakes. Those crisps you like. Cafe Direct coffee. Really hope there’s a coffee pot in the room at least.”

Her eyes lit up as if Jane had gotten her diamonds. “It’s perfect.” She pulled a book from her bag. “Grabbed it from your bookshelf last weekend. Hope you don’t mind.” 

Jane was well acquainted with the book in her hands; it represented five years of her life. The title, _Time and Relative Dimensions in Space_ was imprinted across the spine. “My thesis? But why?”

“I tried reading it but I didn’t really understand. Will you explain it to me?” Her eyes were eager, as if she was ready to absorb the entirety of its knowledge.

“What, the whole thing?” she flopped down on the bed. “It’s really long and very complicated. Big fault of mine.”

“Maybe just the big ideas.” She laid down next to Jane, pressing up against her. 

“All right then.” She strummed through the pages, trying to refamiliarize herself with the material. “This was a collaboration with the Theoretical Physics department. You know how there’s different dimensions? Like a line is one dimension and all that? We, human beings, can only perceive three dimensions. But time is the fourth dimension, the higher dimension. This presupposes if there were people that could perceive in four dimensions, they could see through time.” 

“Like time travel?” She asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“Kind of. More like they’d be able to see the whole of time. Past, present, future at once. And move along the timeline.”

“What would you choose, if you could do that? Would you want to see into the future?” she asked.

“Of course. I want to know where I’m going. How everything turns out. Am I going to find a professorship? Am I going to make any major discoveries? Will I ever be able to make macarons properly? I’ve tried half a dozen times, they always end up stuck to the baking sheet.” Rose laughed at this, and Jane thought, _How much time do I have with you?_. “Anyway, there’s a lot of equations, and a lot of it is pretty dry. Don’t want to bore you.”

“You never bore me.” She stroked Jane’s cheek. “Sometimes though…wish I had a career that was impressive as yours.”

“Rose Tyler, you are highly impressive.” _I wouldn’t love you if you weren’t._ Eyes wide, she fought the urge to put her hand over her mouth, as if she’d spoken them aloud. She hadn’t allowed that thought to form before. But she knew, as soon as the words formed in her mind, they were undeniably true. Instead she stared at Rose, studying her face, as if she would map every inch of it the way she mapped the contents of the universe. 

“What is it?” Rose asked.

“Oh, nothing. I just want to remember this.” 

“So do I,” she replied, pulling Jane closer so they were touching foreheads. “Thinking…working in a shop isn’t much of a career. Maybe I could try something else. I could get my A-levels and make another try at university.”

“You could! Happen to know a brilliant tutor.”

“Course, don’t know how I pay for it. Maybe I could do something else, like travel blogging. Think it’d be worth a go at that?”

“Oh yeah! You could write your first entry about this inn. Room is too small, terrible service, rubbish artwork.” she laughed.

“Company’s not half bad, at least,” She leaned in for a kiss.

“I do my best,” Jane said. “So what should we do tomorrow I was thinking-sleep in, go for brunch, and there’s a bunch of little shops in town we could visit. I love a little shop!”

“Sounds lovely. Or, we could stay here.” 

“Mmmm-hmmm.” For the moment, Jane decided the future was overrated. She wanted to stay in the present, her limbs wrapped around her beloved, forever.

And then everything changed.


	12. Chapter 12

The following Thursday, Jane ended up staying late in the lab to solve a problem with the X-ray detector. She left well after midnight, the problem still unsolved, because she was too exhausted to think. As a result, she took the morning off, pulling herself out of bed only because she was planning to attend a seminar on campus with Ryan at noon. It wasn’t until she was nearly to campus that she realized her phone was dead. She’d been so exhausted and still trying to think about the detection, that she’d forgotten to charge it. Fortunately, the seminar was small enough that she could easily find Ryan without texting him. 

Afterwards, they headed to the lab, still discussing the x-ray detection problem. As Ryan unlocked the office door, Dr. O’Brien came rushing up. “Jane! Where have you been? I’ve been looking all for you for hours!”

Jane’s face flushed. It was 2pm and she hadn’t been in the lab all day, even if she had a good reason. Dr. O’Brien was fine with people coming in late if they’d put in long hours, but in her half awake state, she’d forgotten to let him know. She still felt like she’d been caught getting away with something. “Oh, sorry, I was here late last night. Went to the High-Mass Star Formation seminar, and we’re just getting back.” It was then she realized Dr. O’Brien didn’t look angry, but overjoyed. “What is it?”

“You haven’t seen your email?”

She shook her head. “Phone died and I left my laptop here. What is it?”

“The Kasterborous selection committee send out notifications this morning.” His eyes gleamed “Jane, you’ve won the fellowship!”

She’d won the fellowship. She could hardly believe it. All of those incredibly clever, talented postdocs and she’d beaten all of them. She’d beaten O! Seeing the look on his face was almost worth encountering him again. Jane was so excited she could barely keep still. She realized Dr. O’Brien had extended his hand, and she eagerly shook it, unable to form a coherent thought. 

“Dr. Riordan from the selection committee called me.” Dr. O’Brien continued. “He said talking to you wasn’t like an interview at all, it was like a discussion with a colleague. He was practically gushing; sophisticated ideas, exquisite attention to detail, and infectious enthusiasm! He is greatly looking forward to working with you.”

Ryan gave her a wide grin. “Jane, that’s amazing! I must be rubbing off on you,” he teased.

“We’ll be so sorry to lose you here,” said Dr. O’Brien. “but this is the next big step in your career. Congratulations!”

The mention of leaving brought her back to Earth. She’d have to leave London. Leave Rose. her euphoria deflated. Neither of them had brought it up the fellowship since the interview. Jane neither wanted to get her hopes up nor dash them. “Thanks,” she said, subdued. “Can I have some time to think it over?”

Startled, Dr. O’Brien’s smile faded. “Well, of course you can. It is a big decision.” He was trying to to be assuring, but couldn’t keep from looking confused. “But I don’t know of anyone who’s turned down Kasterborous.” 

“But it’s not like I have to do it, right? There’s other fellowships, other training opportunities. Maybe something closer to here.” Dr. O’Brien’s brow furrowed in further confusion. In that moment, she felt awful for letting him down, but she couldn’t immediately say yes. She needed to think about it. Every problem had a solution. “I’ll tell you as soon as I figure it out.” 

He nodded, not entirely convinced. ”You have to give them an answer by Monday. Give it some serious thought, Jane. A chance like this doesn’t come up that often.” The air drained out of him, he left for his office. 

Ryan opened the door to their office. As soon as they were inside, he confronted her. “Are you daft?”

“What? For not immediately committing to two years in Scotland?” she huffed. “Why should we have to move around the country or the planet, anyway? I’ve built a whole life here, why should I have to uproot it? Besides, I didn’t say I wasn’t going, I just said I wanted to think about it.”

He narrowed his eyes, looking down at her. “It’s because of Rose, isn’t it?” 

“No, of course not.” At his look of disbelief, she sighed. “Okay, fine. It’s because of her. Is that so wrong?” 

“Yes! You’d be throwing away the chance of a lifetime for…”

“…someone who’s not my soulmate?” 

“I didn’t say that. But let’s think about this logically.” 

“All right. Two hypotheses.” Grabbing a marker, she started writing on the dry erase board. “One, the curse isn’t real. I’d be giving up the best relationship I’ve ever had. Two, the curse is real, and I have a soulmate out there. If that’s the case, then my time with Rose is short, and I want to make the most of every day with her.”

Ryan looked at the board, surprised. “I’ve never heard you doubt the curse. Do you really think it’s not real?”

“I wish it wasn’t. Then this would all be so straightforward.” She admitted. She sat down, running her hands through her hair. It had all been so straightforward, and now she sitting here, questioning everything she’d believed since she was a child. “It never felt like a curse until now.”

Ryan towered over her, but his voice softened. “Curse or no, you still shouldn’t be sacrificing your career for her.”

“I know but…” her voice dropped to nearly a whisper. “I can’t leave her behind.” 

“What would Rose say? Think she’d want you to not go?”

Jane shook her head. Ryan had a good point. Rose would never ask her not to go, as much as she wanted Jane to stay. She wouldn’t even dream of it. “I don’t know what to do.” 

Ryan gave her a sympathetic look. “Talk to her? Maybe you can work out something.”

She slowly nodded. “Probably a good place to start. That reminds me, need to charge my phone.” She plugged her dead phone into the charger. While she was waiting, opened up her laptop and started going through emails. She found two from the Kasterborous selection committee, one addressed to all the applicants and sponsors announcing her victory, and another one addressed to her, outlining the terms of the fellowship. The start date was August 1st, which left her a little over two months in London. Two months could be enough time for things to change, not enough time to get the most out of her relationship. A long-distance relationship could be a possibility. Edinburgh was four hours by train; she could come back on weekends and holidays. Maybe they could meet in the middle somewhere. She’d have to look at the holiday time offered. 

Her phone chimed. She saw she had two earlier missed calls from Dr. O’Brien, but four missed calls from Rose. That was unusual; they normally only texted during the day. Picking up her phone, she immediately hit the reply button.

“So you’ve finally decided to stop ignoring me.” Came the sharp response at the other end of the line. Jane’s pulse quickened. It wasn’t the normal friendly teasing. Rose sounded angry. Very angry.

“Sorry I missed you earlier. Phone died,” she replied, a low rumbling of anxiety coalescing in her. She hoped she hadn’t missed something important. “What’s going on?”

“Were you going to leave town and ghost me? You promised!” 

“No! What are you talking about?” She’d often gone several hours without returning texts when she was occupied in the lab, and Rose had never acted like this. She’d never even been this angry towards her.

“O called me. He told me everything. About the curse, about your soulmate.” she heard a sniffling at the other end of the line. “About you getting the fellowship! How could you do that?!”

Jane froze. Her mind was reeling. How did O know about any of this? He would have known about her getting the fellowship, but how did he find out about the curse? She opened and closed her mouth, words failing her yet again.

“He said you were going to leave without saying anything, just like you did to him!” Rose was practically shouting. “Don’t you have anything to say for yourself?”

Jane took a deep breath to try to calm herself. She needed to stay something. “Don’t listen to O, he’s a knob. I could never do that to you!” 

“Why didn’t you tell me you’d won the fellowship?”

“I just found out myself! I told you, my phone died, and I’ve been out of the lab all day. Ryan was with me, he can confirm it.” Ryan, who had been working at his computer, turned around at the mention of his name. He frowned in response to Jane’s distraught expression, clearly concerned

“Never mind that.” She huffed. “The curse…is it true?” 

Jane sighed. There was no point in denying it. “I didn’t want you to find out like this. I’m sorry.”

“Were you ever going to tell me?!”

“I wanted to, but…” she couldn’t get out the words. How could she possibly explain she’d fallen in love when she wasn’t supposed to?

“Were you toying with me? Using me?” 

“No, no no. I liked you.” Guilt surged in her. She chose not to use a stronger word than _like_ , fearing it would provoke even her wrath further. “I liked you from the first moment I saw you. And then we kept seeing each other and I didn’t know how to say it.”

Rose scoffed. “You’re the brilliant scientist. You should have figured it out.” 

The acid in her tone dissolved a hole in Jane’s heart. She struggled to find the words, the right words to get her back. “I never meant to hurt you.” 

“I don’t care. You did a terrible thing, letting me think I could…”she stopped, leaving the sentence unfinished as she stifled a sob. “While all this time, you knew you had a soulmate.”

“I know, I know. It was awful of me, and I am so, so sorry,” Jane pleaded. “I’d do anything to make it up to you. What if I come over and we talk about—”

“Do not even think about it.” Rose cut her off. “I’m not going to be fooled again. Stay the fuck away from me!” 

With that, the line went dead. Jane frantically called back, t but the call kept disconnecting. “Blast it! I can’t get through!”

“She blocked your number.” Ryan spoke calmly, sadness in his eyes. “She found out?”

Jane crumpled to the floor, tears streaming down your face, Rose’s words echoing in her head. Accusations of using her. Is that what she’d really been doing, all along? “O told her. Don’t know how he knew?”

Ryan studied her for a moment. Then, reluctantly, he asked, “Yaz?”

“She said she wouldn’t say anything.” Jane shuddered. It wasn’t like Yaz to break a promise. But who else would have told him? She should be angry with her flatmate, but the entirety of her emotional bandwidth was focused on her lost love.

“I’m really sorry, Jane.” He put a hand on her shoulder. “Think there’s anything you can do to win her back?”

She shrugged. Rose had been right about one thing. Even if Jane could be forgiven, which seemed as likely as a comet hitting London at that very moment, they still weren’t soulmates. They weren’t supposed to be together. “Don’t think there’s any point.” With that, the office blurred as she filled its walls with gut-wrenching sobs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buckle up for the angst train, dear readers! We'll be back with the next installment on our regularly scheduled Thursday. Probably.


	13. Chapter 13

Jane muttered a halfhearted thanks to the driver as she stepped off the bus, then trudged to her flat, willing herself not to cry again. It had taken all of her strength to hold herself together during the trip home. She’d spent most of the trip with her eyes squeezed shut, trying to think about something else, anything else, besides the hurt tearing through her.  
The hurt…well, she’d always known it was going to hurt. She didn’t expect it would feel like this. A piece of herself was gone, sliced away, leaving nothing but a vast, raw wound.

She climbed the stairs to her flat slowly. She felt like she’d shatter if she moved too fast. Her eyes prickled with tears at the thought of facing Yaz. Ryan had offered to come with her, but Jane had turned him down. This was a conversation best had one on one.

Yaz was sprawled out on the couch, reading a book. “Hey, didn’t expect you home so early.” At Jane’s distraught expression, her voice softened. “What’s wrong?”

She felt tears spring to her eyes again. “She broke up with me.” 

“What? That’s terrible.” She got up to reach for Jane, who flinched out of her grasp. 

Deadened voice, she looked Yaz straight in the eye. “O told her everything.” 

“What?!? How?!”

“That’s what I’d like to know.“ There was a sharp edge of accusation in her tone.

Yaz’s eyes went wide. “I didn’t tell him! We didn’t even talk about you that often, much less bring up the curse.”

Jane staring her down, considering this. Yaz looked genuinely perturbed; she hadn’t planned this. She didn’t believe one of her best friends would betray her, but she hadn’t listened to her about O either. “Then how did he know?”

“I don’t know!” she reached in her pocket. “Let’s talk to him. We’ll find out.” 

Jane sighed and tried not to grimace when O appeared on the screen. He was he last person she wanted to see, but she needed answers. 

“Yasmin, what a wonderful surprise. I didn’t expect to see your lovely face until later. Two surprises!” he grinned. “And Jane, I suppose you’ve received a surprise of your own.”

“Yeah. I did,” she clenched her jaw. “Who told you?”

“My dear, you did.” He crooned. “You really should be more careful, you never know who could be listening.”

Before Jane could answer, Yaz gasped in horror. “The night after the museum. He was here. I hid him from you.” 

Anger surged through her as she whipped up to face Yaz. “He was here and you didn’t tell me?!”

“You should have told her yourself!” Despite her furor, the crimson flushing her cheeks betrayed her embarrassment. Turning back to the screen, she said, “O, what the hell? You said you’d made your peace with what had happened between you two?”

“There is peace, and there is justice,” his voice was velvet and smooth. “Now you know how it feels, Jane. To lose something that means the world to you. Although in my case, it was something actually worth losing.”

“Do you expect me to believe you felt that way about me?” Jane said bitterly, immediately chastising herself. Giving him a little tweaking was the extent of her challenging him. She knew better than to bring up their affair. It was certain to unleash the full extent of his rage. 

“Don’t be daft. Do you think I’d be hung up over an insignificant thing like you? Live in the present. The immediate present.” Anger flashed in his eyes. “You stole the fellowship from me.”

“Stole? What in the world are you talking about?” The thought crossed her mind that she hadn’t won fairly. She reminded herself of all the praise Dr. O’Brien had been heaped upon her. She steadied her voice. “I didn’t steal anything from you.”

“Yes, you did.” His expression hardened.“I come from a long line of great men. Industrialists, businessmen, philanthropists. Men of intelligence, culture, breeding. Do you know what it’s like to walk in the shadows of brilliant forebearers? To have that pressure? Of course don’t. You have no idea and what’s more, you don’t even care. You’re so selfish!” 

Yaz frowned in disbelief at his words, about to speak, but O held up a hand to silence her. 

Fighting for composure, O continued. “This was going to be the start of my legacy. A long, illustrious career in the finest institutions of academia. I was supposed to exceed all expectations. Kasterborous is supposed to be for the best of the best. To be defeated by you, a nobody, a girl for that matter..it’s humiliating!” he spat out the words in disgust. ”It’s not your place! You don’t belong! You think you’re my equal? You are not, and you never can be!” 

Fuming, Yaz couldn’t hold back. “You wanker! Are you out of your bloody mind?! You’re mad about losing to a woman?!” She stopped, gearing up for more insults, but Jane just laughed. It was as if everything she’d known about him, everything was crystallizing before her.

O didn’t sound like a menace, or even a bully, she realized. He sounded like a child. A child throwing a tantrum because he didn’t get his way. She’d spent all these years of being afraid of him, afraid he’d find her, afraid he’d undermine her, when there was absolutely nothing to fear from him, ever again. The fear was all on him-behind all his arrogance, his cruelty, he was consumed by it. 

“You think I’m not your equal?” Jane straightened up, in full confidence. “You’re right. I’m not your equal. I am greater than you. I went into astrophysics because I wanted to understand the universe. You’re only interested in prestige and titles. My coursework was always better. My ideas are more original. My papers are better written. And while you were bribed your way through school, I was working around the clock, relyin’ on scholarships. I have had to overcome so much more to get here. You could not possibly equal me.” 

O’s mouth hung open for a long moment. She’d seen him feign hurt many times, but this time he looked genuinely wounded. “Yasmin, pay no attention to her.” He tried to pass it off with nonchalance, but it came off as desperate. 

“It’s _Yaz_ ,” she snapped. “And we’re through. Go to hell.” 

Snapping the phone off, she looked at Jane, tears forming in her eyes. “You were right about him. I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah,” Jane replied, unable to help forming a small smile. Despite everything, she felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Instead of running, she’d stood and faced her demons. Although in the end, it had been too late to keep her from losing Rose. With the reminder of her lost love, adrenaline flowed out of her, and she suddenly felt overcome with exhaustion. “I’m going to my room.”

“Can I get you anything?” Yaz asked. Guilt was etched all over her features. “Anything you need?

What did she need? She needed a time machine. She could go back and prevent this from happening, but it was probably going to happen at some point. Go back and prevent herself from ever seeing Rose in the first place; spare them both the pain. Go back to the 1700s and get rid of the bloody curse. 

“No,” Jane said quietly. “Think I’m just gonna lay down.” 

She couldn't be that sorry for Yaz, but she couldn't be that angry with her either. After all, she knew first hand how easy it was to be blinded by matters of the heart.

—  
She didn’t sleep. She was beyond tired but her mind refused to quiet. She stared at the ceiling for hours, replaying Rose’s words over and over again. Every word was a stab to the heart. She looked at her phone-2:30am. It had been twelve hours since she and Rose had spoken. Only twelve hours! How would she get through the hours and days and weeks ahead of her? She tried to tell herself even without O’s involvement, Rose would have found out. Jane would have decided to tell her, or she’d meet her soulmate, and then everything would have fallen apart. It was going to happen sooner or later. This was for the best. But nothing she told herself stopped the ebb of pain in her soul, or the tears sliding down her cheeks.

It wasn’t fair, she thought for the thousandth time. Every other person in the world got to fall in love with whoever they wanted, completely unaware of their destiny. For the first time, she thought ignorance was bliss.

No, she chided herself. Knowledge was the tool to solving problems. Every problem had a solution, if you had the right knowledge. She was certain of that, even if she was certain of nothing else. It was the foundation for everything she did, from calculating orbits, to dealing with problems with the neighbors, to fixing things wrong with the flat. This was just a more complex, and a more personal problem, than she was used to dealing with. 

A soft meow broke the silence. The mattress springs groaned slightly as Frey jumped on the bed and curled up next to her. He purred as she gave him a few soothing strokes. 

By the morning, she had come up with the answer. Or at least, a way to find the answer. It was potentially difficult and definitely dangerous, and impossible for her to not to pursue.

—

Yaz was surprised to see Jane awake, at the kitchen table, drinking coffee. It was just after six. Dark rings circled her puffy eyes. She approached Jane as if she was a wounded animal, ready to strike out at any moment. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Jane’s voice was quiet, but gentle, without a trace of anger. She was still a bit angry, but too focused on the task ahead of her that day. 

“What are you doing up so at this hour?” she ventured cautiously.

“Didn’t sleep.” She’d had gotten out of bed at sunrise. Coffee and nerves were the only things keeping her upright. She looked directly at her flatmate. “I’m going to see a witch.”

“What!” Her eyes snapped open, sleepiness forgotten. “Are you mad?!” 

“Probably. Most definitely,” she said. “But a witch is the only one who can help me.” 

Yaz grabbed a chair and sat down, her expression curiosity mixed with fear. “Now? Why?!”

“If I never find my soulmate…” she trailed off, pensive. It was a risky plan, but it was the only one she could come up with. “I need to make sure it’s real.”

“And if it is?”

“I ask her if my soulmate can be changed. Witches ruled England for centuries. If they’re so powerful, and they insist I have one, why can’t they change it?” She traced her fingers along her neck, feeling for the small links of her mum's necklace. She'd put it on for luck. 

Yaz looked doubtful. “What makes you think she’ll do that?”

“I don’t know,” she said. “But I have to try.” 

“Jane, let’s think about this. Don’t do something daft. Witches are dangerous. She could do anything to you, enchant you, turn you into a frog or something. _Witches kill people_.” 

“No one’s been killed by a witch in a century. Not confirmed, at least. Even so…I have to take the chance.” Her hands trembled as she held her coffee cup. “Don’t think I have a choice. My whole life, I’ve lived under the curse, and I barely know anything about it. I can’t live without knowing. I just can’t.” _And if there was any possibility of getting Rose back._ lay unspoken between them. She didn’t even know if Rose would agree to it, but she had needed to try something. Anything. 

Yaz nodded with reluctant understanding. It was clear she thought this was a terrible idea, but also that she had zero chance of talking Jane out of it. “How are you going to find a witch? Not like they’re listed on Yelp.”

“I saw one with Mum as a girl. In Larkspur.” Her tired eyes brightened. “Don’t know if she’s still there, but she’s the only witch I know of. Going to take the first train up there and look for her.” She didn’t know what she’d do if the witch wasn’t in Larkspur. There’d always been rumors, whispers floating around London, of how to find a witch. Some credible, some less so. She’d figure that out if it happened.

“I’m coming with you.” Yaz set her jaw, resolute. 

“No. I go alone.” 

“But what if something happens?”

“That’s exactly why!” her nostils flared. It was her curse. She wouldn’t ask an enemy to take a risk like this on her behalf, much less her friend. And despite everything, Yaz was her friend. Her best friend. 

“All right. Stay in touch with me, yeah? Any sign of trouble, any at all…I can have a fleet of squad cars up there.”

It was a statement based more in willingness than fact, but Jane appreciated the sentiment. “I will.”

\--  
Jane didn’t know how to prepare to meet a witch. Shops online offered magic charms, holy water, ancient relics. She had time for none of them, nor did she think they actually worked. She went armed only with her wits and a few biscuits for the train ride. 

Larkspur was the last stop on the train line, a two hour trip from London. When Jane stepped onto the train platform, she realized she didn’t have a further plan. She’d come all this way and had no idea how to find the witch. She felt foolish for not having one, but only for a moment. It was a small town, the type where everyone knew each other. She might be able to find her by asking, if the townspeople were willing to talk. On the trip up, through a haze of exhaustion, she’d tried to think of every scrap of information, every rumor, she’d heard about witches. That they could twist around your words, so what you wanted wasn’t what you’d asked for. She tried not to think about how good they supposedly were at getting rid of bodies. She needed to plan exactly what to say to the witch, in order to get what she wanted. 

The train station was a short walk from the village green, and she walked there to get her bearings. She hadn’t been there since she and Mum moved away. The town hall looked more worn and decrepit from where she’d seen it last. The town motto still above the door, but now with cracked, peeling paint. The square had a few traces of modernity-the mobile phone retailer-but otherwise was largely unchanged in the last twenty years. 

“I know why you’re here.” 

Jane jumped at the voice behind her. It was creaky, but with a surprising amount of command. She turned around to see a woman with greying hair cascading past her shoulders, the edges of her skirt touching the grass. Her figure looked withered, and the creases lining her face were deeper, but she was absolutely certain it was the witch she’d seen on this spot as a girl. Now, face to face with a real, live witch her face flushed and her pulse hammered in her ears.

The witch studied her with an unreadable expression, but Jane thought she saw a trace of amusement. “I’m Jumella. If you want answers, you’ll come with me.”

Jane’s eyes darted around the green. People strolled around, talking amongst themselves, not seeming to notice them. She felt exposed and alone. Part of her wanted to turn on her heel and run, out of the green, back to the train and to London. 

No. She couldn’t do that. She needed to know the truth, no matter what it was. She looked the witch in the eye, and with as much conviction as she could manage, she said, “Will you give them?”

“There are conditions.” She reached into the bag slung over her shoulder, and pulled out a pouch. “Your phone. Shut it off first.” At Jane’s hesitation, she said. “You’ll get it back.”

“Why…?”

“Not a word until we get to my cottage.”

Without her phone, she’d be even more defenseless. She considered texting Yaz before she handed it over, but the witch was looking impatient. She needed answers. Trying to control her nerves, Jane shut off her phone and held it out in her hand, trying not to get too close to her. The witch dropped the phone into her bag, and Jane thought she heard it rattle against something else. 

The pouch disappeared back into the bag, and the witch turned around slowly walking out of the green, not looking to see if Jane was behind her. Jane followed wondering if she was being lead to enlightenment, or doom.


	14. Chapter 14

Jumella led Jane out of the village green and through the town. She watched as the houses became more and more sparse until they reached a row of dark trees, the beginnings of a forest. Despite the path they followed barely existing, the witch’s pace was slow but sure. She paused every now and then to rub her lower back with a wrinkled, bony hand. She said nothing; the huffs of breath and occasional sighs of relief were the only sounds she made. 

Under the trees, the temperature was cool and damp, a refreshing change from the warm midmorning sun. Jane vacillated between curiosity and abject terror. Jumella had looked old when she’d seen her as a child, but then, all adults look ancient to children. Still, based on her slightly hunched posture, and the lines covering her face and hands, she would have guessed seventies or eighties. If witches had such great powers, why not keep themselves young? Why not fix their physical ailments?

She was grateful for her inquisitiveness, because it kept her mind from galloping off into complete terror. She wondered if she should have been more adamant hanging on to her phone. Wasn’t a witch leading an unsuspecting victim into a forest the subject of several fairy tales? If she saw a gingerbread house, she’d know to run. 

The walk grew longer. They were deep into the forest now, and hadn’t seen a single person since they’d left town. Not a popular hiking spot, she supposed, or the townspeople knew to stay away from a witch. Jane was grateful she’d worn her sturdy old boots, and that the woman walked slowly. She placed her hand on ancient trees to steady herself, as they stepped over gnarled roots. 

After what seemed like miles, they came to a small clearing in the forest. A small weathered cottage stood in the center. The rest of the clearing was empty except for a towering stack of firewood and a number of large stones, scattered throughout the clearing. Several of them were arranged in a circle, in what was likely a fire pit. Jane wanted to take a look around, but she remained rigidly in place, not wanting to incur the witch’s wrath.

Jumella headed straight for the cottage front door and dropped her bag on the ground outside. “Come inside,” she commanded, holding the large door open. Jane hesitated, reluctant both to enter her home and leave her phone unattended. She suspected the witch received very few visitors, much less encountered thieves. And if the witch did try to harm her, it was unlikely anybody would be able to get to her in time. A lost phone would be the least of her problems. At Jumella’s impatient glare, she quickly followed the witch inside.

The cottage felt like a step back back in time. A wood stove took up most of one corner. Despite the large wooden cabinets lining the walls, clutter covered nearly every visible surface. The witch went straight to the stove, boiling water in a beat-up kettle and humming to herself. While she busied herself, Jane took slow steps around the room, surveying its contents. She kept an eye on Jumella, waiting for her to turn around and admonish her for looking, but the witch remained immersed in her task. Jane hadn’t known what to expect from a witch’s cottage, but it was nothing like what she was seeing. Bolts of fabric, hundreds of small glass jars filled with powders or liquids, sewing accoutrements, and cast iron pots of various sizes. A curtain, thin yet opaque, divided the main room of the cottage from the others. She realized there wasn’t a single item of plastic, or perhaps even made in the last fifty years. Thick candles with dribbled wax were found in each corner, and she wondered if the witch lived out here without electricity. She didn’t see any lamps or overhead lights. The sunlight coming through the large windows was currently the only source of illumination. One of the theories of witch powers was they derived their powers from nature. Perhaps being around modern objects dampened those powers. That would explain the remote cottage and the extraction of her phone.

Jumella kept her back turned. “I know what you’re doing. Trying to figure me out.” She sounded faintly annoyed. “As if I was I were one of your phenomena of the sky.”

That snapped her out of her casual perusal. She felt violated, but at the same time a stab of guilt, as if she’d been the one trespassing on the other woman’s thoughts. “Sorry. It’s what I do, I suppose.” 

“Can’t be too mad.” Her tone softened with resignation. “’Tis what I expected from you.” 

Despite her relief, she couldn’t contain her curiosity. “How much do you know about me?” 

“More than I did an hour ago.” She turned around, holding two steaming mugs. “Sit down. Drink.” 

Jane tried to decipher the cryptic statement as they sat at the round table, ancient but solidly made. It fit with her hypothesis that Jumella’s power was dampened in the presence of technology. Could the other woman read her thoughts, or did she just pick up on feelings?

The witch put a mug in front of Jane on the limited clear surface. It looked like tea, but she couldn’t be sure. When Jane didn’t reach for it, Jumella added, “It’s not poisoned. If I wanted you dead, there was six ways I could have done so without stepping foot outside my house, and no one would be the wiser. Drink, and then we talk.”

The tea was spicy with a hint of vanilla, and perfectly sweetened to her liking. “Something in here to make me more suggestible?” Jane asked.

“Hospitality,” the witch replied. “We will get to your answers soon, but first, we talk payment.”

Jane hadn’t considered having to pay her. She wracked her brains on how much she could spare; she never carried a lot of cash. “Guessing you don’t take Venmo,” she said, reaching for her wallet. 

“Money is of little use to me. The answers you’re looking for are precious, valuable. You must give up something equally precious in trade.” When Jane was going to protest she didn’t have anything, she noticed the witch’s gaze fall to her throat. To her mum’s necklace.

Her heart clenched. She reached for the necklace, fingering the delicate chain links. She looked at the witch, eyes pleading, for something else. But the witch returned the same unyielding gaze. Deciding love outweighed sentimentality, she gave a slow nod. As she reached back and to unclasp the necklace, her hand stopped at the back of her nec. “If I’m giving this up, I want answers about more than what I came for. Answers about witches.”

“No.” Jumella was quick to reply. “Exposure is extinction. The more outsiders know, the more our existence is threatened by your kind.”

Anger flared through her. She’d had enough of being talked down to. “Excuse me, but _your_ kind’s actions have affected my family for generations. Changed the course of lives. I think I deserve a little more than being waved off.” 

The witch studied her for a moment. Her eyes reminded Jane of black holes; dark and absorbing everything she came in contact with. She nearly looked impressed, with a touch of sympathy. “Very well. But the knowledge is for you and you alone. Agreed?”

Jane nodded, and unclasped the necklace, holding it out in an unsteady hand. Her other hand reached for her now bare neck, tracing the outline of where it had laid. Jumella carefully lifted it by the chain. The metal reflected in the sunlight streaming through the window. “This was your mum’s. I remember she wore it when she came to see me.”

Jane tried not to gasp in surprise. Her mother had known what Jumella was, but she’d never considered how. “You met my mum?”

Jumella’s gazed bored into her. “You’re not like her. She only wanted a favor. You want more than that. You want understanding.” 

“I want to understand everything.” Her voice was nearly a whisper. She felt like Jumella could see into her, not just reading her thoughts but into her very soul, the fabric of who she was. It felt not like violation, but revelation. 

Jumella continued, eyes locked with Jane. “Your mum stood in this very room, roughly thirty years ago. She’d just found out she was with child, and she wanted me to remove the curse. Not from her, but from you. She pleaded, demanded, begged I do it. She loved you so much, even then. She wanted the world for you. Not colour drained of sky and field…”

“…until your soulmate is revealed.” She whispered, a sinking feeling in her stomach. That answered one question. “And why didn’t you?”

Jumella shook her head. “My gift is weak compared to those of my ancestor brethren. Curses born of spite, of require tremendous amounts of magic. The gift is to be a balance, a tool to use against storm and cataclysm, against famine and disease. But like any tool, the gift was misused. Our foremothers became corrupt. And they paid the price.”

She thought of the Purges, the laws and actions that pushed the witches to the fringes of the country. That also explained why her physical ailments were left untreated. “How many are there now?”

“Fewer than they’re used to be. Scattered about. Hard to manifest, in this age.” 

Jane had a bad feeling about the rest of her questions. In a futile urge to delay the inevitable, she asked, “Would you share the extent of your powers? Can you read minds?”

“Not mind-reading exactly. More of a vague feeling. I felt it today, that you were looking for me.” She stirred a spoon in her cup. “But enough about me. Let’s get to the matter at hand: you want to know about the woman you love.”

The witch was pleasantly matter of fact about this. At least her ideas about relationships were more modern than her home. “Can you change it?”

Sadness filled her eyes as she shook her head. “It’s not to be done, even if I were the most powerful witch to have ever existed. It would go against the order of the universe.”

“Are you sure?” Jane pleaded. “Can you try at least? You know how I feel about her, that I’d do anything to…” she stopped talking when she realized Jumella sat still, not moving yet not unmoved. 

Jane slumped in her seat, as if the air had gone out of her. She tried desperately to cling to hope. “Does everyone have soulmates?”

“Many people do. Not all.” The witch gave her an odd smile, for a reason she couldn’t fathom.

“And they just bumble around until they find each other?”

“More or less.” 

“Can you tell me who my soulmate is? Or anything about them?” She spoke faster, the urgency rising in her voice. “Where I’ll meet them, or when?”

“That, I cannot tell you. It would cause too much interference. The future is supple, like a willow bough. Bendable, but pushing too hard would break.” 

In other circumstances, Jane would have leapt at the chance to talk with her about the future, and time travel. But her despondence sank her curiosity, as if it were buried under the ocean. “At least tell me what I have to do to break the curse. Is it just seeing them, or do I have to do more? Why can’t we speak of it?”

“That I cannot tell you either. Just as the eaglet is not born a master hunter, you must learn this for yourself. You understand, better than most, that some knowledge cannot be taught, but experienced.”

Jane fought the urge to shout at her over the infuriating, cryptic responses. But there was one more question she needed to ask, one that would seal her fate. “You said many people have soulmates. What about Rose? Can you tell me if she has one?”

She was met with a solemn look. “She will. Now if there’s nothing else…” 

Hope crumbled like ancient ruins. She lowered her gaze to her half-empty cup. She’d learned both too much and not enough. There was nothing else, and it felt like there would be nothing else ever again. “I’ll go.” 

Jumella walked her to the door. “Speak not of myself or of witchcraft, or the curse of your eyes will scarcely be the only one.” She sounded commanding, but there was a touch of sorrow in her expression. She handed Jane her phone. “Be well.” 

—

The walk back to town felt much longer than the trip from, but not long enough. Jane trudged through the forest, grateful to be alone with her thoughts. At least one thing was clear: there was no reason for her not to take the fellowship. The universe had aligned to show her destiny, but she disagreed with its plan. She’d proceed with her career, and Rose was free to find her soulmate, whoever they may be. It was best for both of them, she kept telling herself, and thought if she repeated it enough times, she might believe it. 

The sun overhead beat down on Jane as she left the shade of the woods. She pulled off her coat and folded it over her arm as she headed to the train station. The next train wasn’t due for over an hour. Not that it mattered. Nothing mattered right now.

She sat on a bench facing the rusting tracks and turned her phone back on. Multiple missed calls and text from Yaz. She texted back, _I’m okay. I’m on my way back. Nothing to be done_. 

_I’m sorry_ , came the reply a moment later. She’d hoped Yaz didn’t want to talk further when she came home. The thought of having a conversation about this made her stomach lurch. She waited for the tears to come again, but her aching eyes remained dry. She was too wrung out, too dulled for outward signs of sorrow. 

Her phone buzzed again, this time from Ryan. _Yaz told me what happened. Are you okay?_

She hadn’t spoken to Ryan since leaving the lab yesterday, and she wasn’t sure if that meant the conversation with O or the trip to see the witch. She didn’t want him to worry. _I’ll be okay._ she replied. But deep down, she didn’t feel like she’d be okay ever again.


	15. Chapter 15

On Monday morning, Jane headed directly to Dr. O’Brien’s office. She wasn’t sure what surprised him more: that she was at the lab so early, or her red-rimmed eyes. 

“I’m going to take the fellowship,” she said quietly, without preamble. She stood in front of his desk, despite him gesturing for her to sit. If at all possible, she wanted to avoid a lengthy conversation.

“Well, don’t get all excited about it,” Dr. O’Brien tried to joke, but frowned at her unchanged expression. He looked up at her, searching for a hint of what had transpired in her over the past few days. 

Jane betrayed nothing as she continued. “Also, if it’s possible, I’d like to start early.” 

“Well, the starting date isn’t for almost another two months. How soon were you thinking?”

“As soon as possible.” She needed to get out of London, fast. Everything in her surroundings reminded her of Rose. Her flat, the Tube, shops they’d been in, restaurants they’d gone to. If felt like there was not a single place in London that was not embedded with some memory of their relationship, and every one felt like being stabbed in the chest. The only escape was to leave. A fresh start. “I’d like my last day to be next Friday. Went over my projects and I think I can wrap up everything, or hand them off, by the then.”

Dr. O’Brien’s expression darkened as he tapped his pen on the desk. “It’s traditional for postdocs to give more notice. At least a month. You need time to finish your work here.”

“It’ll be done. I promise.” She’d thrown herself into it over the weekend. Analyzing and organizing data at home had been a welcome distraction from her feelings. She already planned to do as much on the X-ray detector as possible. She’d leave it in Ryan’s hands. He’d done a bang-on job so far, there was no reason to think he couldn’t finish. 

“What’s the hurry? Any trouble? You can always talk to me if there’s a problem.”

Her eyes stung with tears, yet again. Hadn’t she cried enough already? No. She was not going to cry in front of her mentor. “No trouble,” she forced a smile. She took a deep breath, trying to steady her voice.“Just like you said, would like to get on with the next step in my career.”

For a moment, he looked like he wanted to ask more about her decision, but thought the better of it. “I’ll get in touch with the committee. One more thing: do you want a send off from the lab? Maybe a party, or lunch?”

“No thank you,” she said quietly. After a pause, she said, “I should go. Got a lot of work to do.”

She left his office before he could pry further. If Edinburgh couldn’t move up her start date, she’d go early anyway. Look for a flat and get settled in. Catch up on the literature; she’d fallen behind in the past few months. Find something to fill the long, empty hours, to keep her mind from drifting back to Rose. It occurred to her she was running away, just like her mum always had. Get in trouble, run as far as you can, and don’t look back. _That’s not what I’m doing. I’m moving forward, I’m working on my career, I’m looking for my soulmate._ But she couldn’t finish the thought without tearing up.

Jane took a moment to compose herself before going into her office. The light was on, indicating Ryan’s presence. “Hey. Should we look at the X-ray data?” Her voice was feather-light and completely fake.

“Yeah.” He nodded carefully, studying her. “I never heard from you last night.” 

“Sorry, I was busy,” she said with an air of dismissal. She sat next to him, flipping open her laptop but avoided eye contact. Ryan had texted to check in on her, and she’d ignored it. Talking only made her feel worse. 

Jane went through the data with him, discussing how best to write it up for a future manuscript. She’d tried to give the topic her usual enthusiasm, but there was a hollowness to her words, punctuated by the lack of their usual joking and teasing. At one point, when she was looking something up, Ryan stopped to face her. “I should have believed you.” 

She froze for a moment, fingers freezing over her keyboard. She thought of the goading, the encouragement Ryan had given her to seek Rose out, all those months ago. There was no room inside her for anger; grief had overtaken everything. “It doesn’t matter. It’s true whether you believed it or not.” 

Ryan chuckled softly at the use of one of their favorite quotes. “It’s awful though. You were good together.”

“I know.” She lowered her head, feeling tears spring to her eyes again. “Mind if we get on with the analysis?”

—  
The next two weeks stretched out for what felt like decades. Jane was engulfed in finishing her projects. Numbers in endless streams. Equations scattered all over the whiteboard. The trajectory of a comet, the orbit of an exoplanet in a faraway sky. She worked with precision and care, but without her typical joy; everything she’d felt towards the dulled, hollow, her joy faded like the light of a dying star. She felt at times she was a celestial object herself, moving through the empty void of space without purpose or feeling. As the ache around the edges of her being failed to ebb, she thought it was a preferable existence. 

At home, she mostly sat dead-eyed in front of the TV and talked to Yaz. They’d managed to patch things up over what had happened with O; he was hardly worth a falling out. She’d noticed lately Yaz had been on her phone a lot, hushed conversations that ended when Jane entered the room. Maybe Yaz had met someone new already, and didn’t want her to feel jealous. Jane didn’t ask; she could hardly bring herself to care. 

At night, she didn’t sleep, but instead staring at the dark, empty ceiling. She’d taken down the glow in the dark stars the first night after coming home from seeing the witch; the memory of going over the constellations with Rose was unbearable. 

She felt a small burst of relief when the University of Edinburgh agreed to move her start date up a month. On her last day at the University of Central London, she left with subdued goodbyes. No amount of urging from Ryan would get her to go for a last round of drinks at the Catalyst. Instead, she trudged home, toward her future alone.

—

It was Sunday morning. Jane was sprawled out on the couch, not having moved in hours. She was supposed to be packing, but instead she was in the throes of a _Downton Abbey_ marathon. She didn’t have much to pack, just her bedroom and a few boxes from storage. Yaz was keeping everything else, including Frey, an apology of sorts for leaving on short notice. Jane had found a furnished short term rental in Edinburgh, and when she got something more permanent, she’d get new furniture. Besides, everything in the flat was too imbued with memories. The only sound, besides the TV was the occasional ping of Yaz’s phone from the kitchen. The scent of saffron and nutmeg lingered in the flat from lunch. Yaz had offered Jane some of her leftover biryani, but she hadn’t felt like much like eating. 

Yaz came into the living room. “I need to get more cat food. Do you want to come with?” 

“Nah,” Jane mumbled, and turned her attention back to the screen. 

“It’s only a couple blocks to Lidl. It’ll do you some good.” Yaz stood in front of the TV screen. “You’ve been in front of that thing all weekend.” 

“I want to relax.” Truth be told, she wanted to do as little as possible until it was time to go to the train station on Wednesday. 

“Okay, fine. At least get dressed.” She gave Jane a nudge. She was still wearing the tank top and boxers she’d (poorly) slept in. 

“I will. Later.” 

Yaz stood for a moment before shrugging in resignation. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

Jane sighed and went back to her programme, dulled into the pleasant haze. She was snapped out of it a few moments later, she heard steps on the stairs. Yaz couldn’t have been to the store and back already, she must have forgotten her wallet. Her stomach dropped at the sound of another, achingly familiar voice, muffled through the door.

Rose. The door slowly opened, and her lost love was there, in her flat. What was she doing here? 

Jane’s mouth went dry as she sat up. Half of her wanted to run into her room and hide until she left; the other half wanted to run into her arms and beg to be taken back. Neither of those things was possible. She shot a pointed look at Yaz, who was standing behind her, hand still on the doorknob. Her flatmate gave her a knowing smile and mouthed _talk to her_ before slipping out the door. 

Rose’s eyes darted around the room before she settled on Jane, straightening herself up. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Jane said. She was surprised she was able to speak at all. 

They were both silent for a long moment. Jane studied her, as if trying to commit her to memory. She didn’t seem mad, at least. She wore a small, tight smile, despite the weariness stamped across her. But her eyes were locked on to Jane like she was the only thing in existence. Jane knew she should say something, but she was coming up blank. Apologies were insufficient. Talking about her feelings would only lead to more heartbreak. 

Rose broke the silence, glancing at the couch. “Can I sit?”

“Yeah! Yeah.” Jane nodded vigorously. Rose sat, a short but respectful distance away from her. She caught the scent of lavender, achingly familiar. It was taking a tremendous amount of restraint not to reach out to touch her. Being in her presence was painful, but at the same time, she didn’t want Rose to leave. She had to think of something to keep her there, even for a few moments. “I’ve got some of your things. I was going to put them in post, but I can give them to you now. Just need to--”

“No.” she cut Jane off. She drew a deep breath. “Yaz called me. Several times, in fact. She told me about your visit to the witch. And about how conflicted you were. And,” she gestured to Jane’s disheveled state. “how miserable you’ve been.” 

She looked down, fiddling with the hem of her shirt. Yaz must have planned this, asked her to come over in a misguided attempt to make things better. “Suppose I deserve it.”

“Yeah, you might.” Her smile spread in warmth. “But I can’t believe that, or even regret anything that happened. I’m not giving up on you.” She reached out for Jane’s hand, lightly brushing the knuckles with her fingertips. “You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” 

The slight touch was enough to make her heart sing. Jane allowed herself to float in a daydream for the smallest of moments, before dragging herself back to reality. “I’m leaving for Edinburgh on Wednesday.”

“So take me with you.”

“I want to. I wish I could, you don’t know how much…” the words were coming out before she could stop herself. “But we’re not soulmates. You have a soulmate out there, Rose, and so do I. And I want you to have the best possible life with them, a fantastic life, with them.”

Rose shook her head. “I don’t care about any of it. I care about you. About us. Whatever happens in the future, we’ll meet it. Together.” She moved forward, closing her hands around Jane’s own. “You told me you never let your past define who you were.” 

Jane slowly nodded. Clarity flooded her like a burst dam. The curse neither made her gifted nor victim, it was simply one source of information, one of many. The rest-her love, her longing, and more than anything, the way she felt in Rose’s presence-made up the whole picture. And whole, more than anything else, was the way she felt at the moment. 

She squeezed Rose’s hands. “I love you.” 

“I love you, too.”

And with that, Jane threw away her doubt and fear, and kissed her. She closed her eyes, reveling in the feel of her lips, the fingers trailing her bare arms, how much she’d missed this. She knew, was certain, nothing would ever get between them again.

When they finally broke away, Rose touched Jane’s forehead to her own. “I’ve missed you.”

“I”ve missed you, too.” She slowly opened her eyes. Everything looked wrong, in a way she couldn’t define. Alarmed, she squeezed her eyes shut. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“Something’s wrong with my eyes.” she tried to keep the panic out of her voice.

“Any pain? Can you see?” 

“I can see, it just looks wrong.” She cautiously opened her eyes, taking a slow pan through the living room. Hundreds and hundreds of shades she’d never seen before filled her vision, a rich tapestry of hues. She gasped in realization. “Wait. Is this colour? It is, isn’t it?” She broke into a wide grin, tears of happiness in her eyes. “It’s colour! I’m seeing colour!”

Rose gasped. “Then that means…”

“You are my soulmate,” She whispered, and gathered up Rose in her arms, studying her anew. There were so many different colours, more than she’d ever imagined, and they were more beautiful that she’d dared to dream. But as much as she wanted to run from room to room like an overexcited child, take in every sight, she couldn’t take her focus off her beloved. Everything was possible because of her. “I might have to go back to primary. I know the colour names, but I don’t know which name goes with which.”

“Finally, something I can teach you,” Rose was full of gaiety. She couldn’t stop grinning at her.

“I want to know all of them. But especially, I want to know all the colours of you.” She stroked Rose’s hair, gleaming in the sunlight. “But there’s something I don’t understand. Why did my vision change now? I thought it would be when I met you. Ryan thought it might be something more, like kissing, but that didn’t work either. And it wasn’t that I loved you, because I knew that long before…”

Rose silenced her with a finger to her lips. “I know you have to have the answer to everything, but maybe let’s not focus on that now? We have a lot of time to make up for.”

“Oh, right.” She leaned in for another kiss, pulling Rose close to her. And it wasn’t until years later, years together, or ups and downs, of laughter and sadness, of watching their friends fall in and out of love, that Jane finally understood:

That soulmates aren’t found, they’re made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my God, it’s done! 
> 
> Yes, I did steal that last line (and the entire concept) from _The Good Place_. As I mentioned in the beginning, I don’t read soulmate AUs and I don’t believe in soulmates, but I loved what they did with it in TGP. 
> 
> This was supposed to be a short break from writing adventure stories, but it turned out so much larger, both in concept and time commitment. It took me three months to finish the first draft (though I got sidetracked a bunch of times to write one-shots). It took a lot of thought on how to make the concept work in a way that was believable. I nearly gave up on it twice. I’d started writing in December of last year, and then as Series 12 unfolded, made a bunch of additions and changes. O/The Master wasn’t going to be in it at all. Then he was a minor character. Then after the fic was completed, O crawled into my brain and demanded to be a larger part of the story and wouldn’t shut up until I did so. I ended up rewriting about half of it. 
> 
> One more thing because I am a nerd and need to give proper credit: the quote Ryan and Jane reference in this chapter is “The good thing about science is that it’s true whether you believe it or not.” from Neil DeGrasse Tyson. 
> 
> For those of you who listened to me hash out ideas, read excerpts, and gave advice, thank you.
> 
> And as always, thank you for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> There are so many people that deserve acknowledgements here, I couldn't fit them all into the character limit. The whole thirsting for thirteen gc, who have been reading snippets of this for ages and giving feedback. Special thanks to dwj and jolivira for scene suggestions and worldbuilding advice.
> 
> I expect to update this twice weekly. Probably Thursdays and Sundays.


End file.
